I just found out that a dear friend’s mother died.
Dave is one of 2 friends I still have from my “old” life. He believed in me when I decided to resign and has never been more than a text message away. We have laughed and cried, kept each others secrets, talked about everything and anything, and never once felt the need to judge or fix the other person.
I love Dave. But I don’t think I knew just how much until tonight, when I realized that I can do nothing to ease his pain.
And I am devastated.
Feeling lost and useless, I turn to one of the few places I can find comfort. My blog. My other family.
As I write this, I began to understand why I feel so helpless.
I know what it’s like to lose a parent.
I remember what it feels like to move through the details of funeral arrangements. What it’s like to pick out a casket.
I remember standing graveside in the November wind wondering if the pain would ever go away.
I understand what he means, as he wrote on Facebook, “…like someone stole all my tomorrows.”
I know all to well the ache of emptiness when you ask, “Why?” and never get an answer.
And I can’t change any of that for him.
I wish I could be there to hold his hand through it all and let him know what I have learned.
I also know that tomorrow will come.
That while his life will never be the same, he will be OK.
That no amount of time or pain will ever diminish the love he had for his mother. Or the love she had for him.
I know that when 21 years have passed, he will still cry, he will still miss her, he will still feel remember the moment he found out she was gone.
I know that someday “Why?” will turn into “Thank you”, every time he thinks about her.
But all I can do tonight is send my condolences, hold his family in my heart and grieve with and for my friend.
And say, “I love you, Dave. I’m here if you need me.”