The Only Way
I end this month with astonishment and celebration.
When I began the month of June, I was celebrating some wins, but was in a lot of fear about a number of things:
- Going to coaching bootcamp
- Entering my blog into a contest
- Beginning a “real” dialogue on Twitter.
In all those things, the voice in my head was saying “You are not good enough.” “They will laugh at you”. “You’ll discover that you aren’t cut out for it.” “You are a loser.”
I lived the first week of June constantly feeling like I was going to vomit.
But things changed after bootcamp.
- I found my coaching groove again.
- I attracted new readers to the blog.
- I made some amazing connections on Twitter.
- I drove places in my new city of Saint Louis all by myself.
- And I began to take my writing seriously. (interesting that made me cry.)
Truth is, I had become so accustomed to letting fear stop me, I had become one of the walking dead.
Now, I feel more alive and hopeful than ever.
Because I discovered that the only way I can keep moving forward, is to make friends with my fear.
It doesn’t serve me to pretend she isn’t there.
And it certainly didn’t serve my dreams by allowing her to stop me in my tracks.
So, in honoring my truth that connection and community are extremely critical to my well-being, I invited fear in.
Each day, we sit and “chat”, usually over coffee.
And we both feel good.
I “connect” with her deeply and she feels heard.
And when I’ve chosen to do something scary (like that last blog post), she came along for the ride, holding my hand.
Because your friends are like that.
And fear is my new friend.
And for me to live the life I am able to dream about again, it has to be this way.
It is in fact, the only way.
Let’s Connect!
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Proud of you, babe. You are an inspiration
Thanks, Tex. Your presence in my life gives me reason to try.
“And I began to take my writing seriously. (Interesting that made me cry.)”
Your statement made ME cry. I celebrate and give thanks when someone takes her writing seriously because it means she is taking herself seriously. Because writing isn’t just what we do. It’s what we are.
And the funny thing about taking our writing (and ourselves) seriously? It generates a lot of fear. So we have to figure out what to do about fear if we are going to continue writing. That doesn’t mean we eliminate or deny or avoid the fear. That won’t work. It means, one way or another, we make friends with the fear and, if we’re really smart, put it to work for us.
(I haven’t figured out how to do that last part — make my fear work for me.
Wow. I’d never thought of it that way, Carol. It feels like a big responsibility, doesn’t it? No wonder we feel like vomiting!
I have a suggestion: Why don’t you ask your fear what other job she’d like to have besides keeping you safe? Mine isn’t so much interested in “working” for me because, well, hell, I don’t like to work. LOL! But I do have a deep desire to be heard (probably comes from being the youngest of 5 children). And in talking to my fear, she had the same need. So that’s why we have coffee together.
Let me know what happens. I’m willing to bet she has a lot of things to say.
I like that you’ve made friends with your fear, and that she has a gender. And that it makes you cry to say that you’re taking your writing seriously.
That’s how I feel when I’m “in” it — tears of happiness welling up as I type. It’s wonderful. I’m not “in” it right now because I’m a big baby and let the slightest thing, like a little pain, tell me I can take another day off. But I’ll get back to it. Not long now.
“They will laugh at you”.
Nope, never happened. I’m always laughing at all the funny stuff people (including you!) say on Twitter. And I don’t mean “laughing at” in a bad way
Makes me cry too. I’ve spent so many years — like 20? NOT CRYING IN A STOIC way. and about 10 years crying for drama’s sake. Now I’m crying a lot more — for joy sheer wonder at the immensity of the talents and gifts that we all have and the way that we get find connection. I use the same concept all the time, whenever my life lesson is kicking my ass (as she does) I know it’s because I’m not stepping into my purpose in a big enough way. So I invite my lesson to the table, have a glass of pinot and ask what she’s hoping I’ll learn and how to best learn it in this moment. Helps me erase the fear of purpose that I’ve gotten myself into.
Lisa — great post. so proud of you and very very inspired. You make a BIG DIFFERENCE when you show up!
Lisa: Such a beautiful post. Love reading your words about inviting your fear in vs. our tendency to push it away. Something super powerful (that I’m paying attention to) about lightening fear’s seemingly all-encompassing weight by giving it space and time. I feel less fear already – and am SO excited on your behalf over all that is CLEARLY ahead for you!
I'm so glad you stepped out and connected! What a month for you!
I can't wait to see what July has in store for you.
And I totally get what you say about the writing. I may not make #2500 words every day, but every day I am writing, which is huge progress. Its a companion and I am amazed at the things that pour out. Tonight my soul had a conversation with my body and my mind – a huge amount of gratitude spilling forth on the paper for the trinity that we are in this life journey. It was incredible.
So glad we've connected. I love your energy x