LOTS of things have happened since my last post.  Shifts that require a book to share, but suffice it to say, “I’m growing!”

I’m embarking on a 30 day journey in which I have committed to listening to my inner wisdom each day AND taking the action that wisdom requests.  I’ve been hit and miss with this stuff in the past because the action that often seems to come out of such meditation didn’t make sense or seem to be leading to what I really wanted.

The 30 day challenge my coach put before me is to let go of listening to Spirit for the sake of getting what I want.  The exercise, ultimately, will show me the way to actively seeking Spirit for no other reason than “I want to–above all else.”

Well, I want God to do what I want.  If most religious people were honest with themselves, they “follow” God out of fear.   Not all, mind you, but at least the majority of people I know.

If you took away the fear of hell, fire and damnation, the fear that you won’t be “blessed” or your family won’t be “protected”,  would you still choose to “follow”?

The answer for me was NO.

It’s been an arduous 10 year journey in reconstructing my belief system and seeing the Divine in a new light.  Indeed, if this Higher Power existed, I wanted to know and experience IT, without fear of what would happen if I chose otherwise.

Just 7 days into this 30 day “experiment”, I am learning something different..about myself and Spirit.   What I’ve known intellectually for 10 years is now, very slowly, becoming my experience.

And that is..we are One.

Words cannot do justice to the feelings I have experienced in the moments where this becomes my “reality”.  A joy, peace, BLISSFULNESS, comes over me.  I “see” everything with love and appreciation.  Nothing is “wrong.”  When I look thru Spirit’s eyes, I see perfection in people and circumstances.  It’s mind-blowing.

My heart is so open.  I feel like I could hug everyone I meet.  I “know” that everything is happening as it should be and the outcome is assured.

Heaven IS in those moments.

I wish I could say that those moments last.  They don’t.  My humanness kicks in and I get cranky about something and start complaining.   I go into fear and wonder how I am going to make another week with my husband so far away…etc.

But now, I have “Heaven” to go to.  To remember.  To recreate.  And I am choosing to do so, more and more, and more.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I AM Growing.

Friday I got fired.

After a year and a half of doing work I absolutely hated (with a client I adored), I made a mistake and it cost me 90% of my income.

Her decision did not come as a shock.  In fact, not 2 hours before it happened, I told my mastermind group that it would.  And the night before, when the incident happened, I said, “I’m done.”

Of course, that didn’t make it any easier to hear.  Yet I know, the pain I have been processing is my ego acting out in fear.  “What now?”

The truth is…it’s the best thing that could I happened.

Today, for the first time in a very long time, I felt compelled to blog. I mean, I just had to share. Writing gives me a peace that is hard to describe.  Yet I had stopped doing it because I was too busy.

Today, I woke up with a sense of possibility. Not dread.  Not overwhelm.  P-O-S-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

Today, I gave thanks (genuine, feel-it-in-my-bones, thanks) for my life and everything in it.

In other words, I realized that I am happy the shit is over.

The work I was doing was not inspiring.  I did not jump out of bed every day with anticipation to do it.  It was over my head, way beyond my capabilities and just plain, frustrating.

I never pretended to excel at administrative work.  Yet, when people actually started paying for it, I just went with it.  I was honest…I told them my background.  Invariably, I would always make a mistake or miss a deadline and yet they would stay and keep paying.

So, I just kept trying harder.  Taking more classes.  If I knew more, I’d get better, right?

Sound familiar?

I, like many people who still work in Corporate America, was pouring time, energy and money into my WEAKNESSES,  instead of my STRENGTHS.

I am a COACH.  And a damn good one.

I can help you move from where you are, to where you want to be in POWERFUL ways.

I see YOUR greatness even when you can’t.  I am your biggest fan, until you become your own.

THAT’S what I am good at.  THAT’S who I “be”–without effort or struggle.  It’s my natural state.  And Friday, I was given the gift of time and space to reconnect with that gift and decide how I want to be of service in the world.

Getting fired was…The BEST THING EVER.