I’m in a really pissy mood today.  I’ve tried all day to shake it off because I was so angry I wanted to spit.  Finally, I just went back to bed.

Even that didn’t help.

For the past several hours, I’ve been listening to music.  A little Indie Arie always cheers me up.

It did.  Sort of.

Truth is,  I’m still pissed.

Why are people so mean?

Why do people do nice things for you and keep score?

Why do some people never take real risks? (I mean the kind where failure means no one is there to bail you out?)

Why do people judge others that do?

Why are some people  so damned content to play small?

After the music failed to lift me up sufficiently, I went trolling for an inspirational quote.  I came across the Liv’n Out Loud! Clothing company’s website and this diddy (along with Mariah Carey’s song “Hero” playing in the background as I write this) just did the trick.

This is why I took the risks that I did.

This is why it was worth losing almost everything.

This is why it is worth beginning again (and again and again, if I have to)

I made the decision to become my own hero.

Someone remind me of that the next time I get in a pissy mood about…well..anything.

Live a gutsy, self-aware life.
Ignite the spark in your soul and lay down the
tracks to the songs in your heart.
Define your reason for being;
go deep, soak up your essence,
then honor your authentic self.
Break the chains that bind you.
Free yourself from your self-imposed restrictions
and be courageous towards all that you dread.
Don’t let the fear of judgment quell your spirit.
Proudly flaunt your humanity,
with all its exquisite imperfections.
Experience the edge of life.
Make mistakes. Color outside the lines.
Go to the brim of what is familiar and jump off.
After all, a vibrant life is filled with stops,
starts and stumbles.
Participate in your dreams and have faith.
You are standing on the edge of bliss.
Do it. Do that next big thing.
Become your own hero. ©

© 2005 – 2010. Liv’n Out Loud! Clothing Company, Inc.

Friday I got fired.

After a year and a half of doing work I absolutely hated (with a client I adored), I made a mistake and it cost me 90% of my income.

Her decision did not come as a shock.  In fact, not 2 hours before it happened, I told my mastermind group that it would.  And the night before, when the incident happened, I said, “I’m done.”

Of course, that didn’t make it any easier to hear.  Yet I know, the pain I have been processing is my ego acting out in fear.  “What now?”

The truth is…it’s the best thing that could I happened.

Today, for the first time in a very long time, I felt compelled to blog. I mean, I just had to share. Writing gives me a peace that is hard to describe.  Yet I had stopped doing it because I was too busy.

Today, I woke up with a sense of possibility. Not dread.  Not overwhelm.  P-O-S-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

Today, I gave thanks (genuine, feel-it-in-my-bones, thanks) for my life and everything in it.

In other words, I realized that I am happy the shit is over.

The work I was doing was not inspiring.  I did not jump out of bed every day with anticipation to do it.  It was over my head, way beyond my capabilities and just plain, frustrating.

I never pretended to excel at administrative work.  Yet, when people actually started paying for it, I just went with it.  I was honest…I told them my background.  Invariably, I would always make a mistake or miss a deadline and yet they would stay and keep paying.

So, I just kept trying harder.  Taking more classes.  If I knew more, I’d get better, right?

Sound familiar?

I, like many people who still work in Corporate America, was pouring time, energy and money into my WEAKNESSES,  instead of my STRENGTHS.

I am a COACH.  And a damn good one.

I can help you move from where you are, to where you want to be in POWERFUL ways.

I see YOUR greatness even when you can’t.  I am your biggest fan, until you become your own.

THAT’S what I am good at.  THAT’S who I “be”–without effort or struggle.  It’s my natural state.  And Friday, I was given the gift of time and space to reconnect with that gift and decide how I want to be of service in the world.

Getting fired was…The BEST THING EVER.

“You were on a pedestal, so to speak, and you’ve fallen from grace.”

I never imagined the long-term impact those words would have on me because the night I heard them uttered by the man I loved, I simply wanted to die.

And on two separate occasions, I would attempt to take my own life, because the pain of losing him was more than I could bear.

When I decided that I could go on, those words had already become deeply rooted in my psyche.  I would spend the next 20+ years of my life, trying to reclaim my place.  It turns out that it wasn’t as much in his eyes, as it was my own.

In the moment that I let everything he said to me that night become my truth, I gave away my power.

Because I saw myself as the “fallen one”, I would spend years trying to prove my worth to others.

I needed their approval because I didn’t have his.

Truth was, however, that I didn’t approve of myself. 

How many of us are hung up about what we didn’t get from another person?

How many of us use our past as an excuse for why we don’t have the life we want?

How long do we have to play victim, wallow in what “they” did to us, blame our parents, our weight, our bosses, our gender or race?

When will we stop the madness?

Every time we look outside of ourselves for acceptance and approval, we have given away our power.

I left my power on the porch of Delo hall in 1985 when I told myself the story that I was nothing because he didn’t love me. 

And for over 20 years I would attract people and circumstances to support my belief of unworthiness because my power still rested in his acceptance and approval.

It didn’t matter that I had a loving life partner and beautiful daughter.

It didn’t matter that I was surrounded by great friends.

My internal story was that I was unworthy, unlovable and simply didn’t matter.

Take at look at your internal story. 

What’s happened in your past that still holds your power?  What person or circumstance are you giving your energy and attention to that no longer serves you?  What story or stories do you have running over and over again that keep you small and safe?

Reclaim your power.

It starts with a choice.  You can choose to use your power to create the life you dream of or you can continue to give it away.

It’s always your choice.

I only wish that at 20, I knew that it was this easy.  But I do now.

You don’t have to wait 20 years.  Or another second.

Reclaim your POWER…NOW.

Live More Boldly,

Lisa