Self-hatred is a Bitch

I’ve spent several hours today trying to build a new blog for a friend in Lebanon.  He has been like a guardian angel to me these past few years and often was a bright light during the darkest times.  We became online friends during the Israeli invasion a few years back, and although just traveling to and from work put his life in jeopardy, he never once uttered a complaint or gave into fear.

I should be so mature.

While the project has been a labor of love, the frustration I feel has left me with a migraine.  Why is it that we never give ourselves grace for being new at something?  Why do we belittle ourselves for not being perfect at something we’ve never even attempted?

Think about it.  If babies were the same way, none of us would have ever learned to walk.  After the first few tumbles, we’d sit on asses berating ourselves for being too stupid to learn.

Hmmm….

No, as babies, we get up and keep at it.  As adults, we silently wonder why we are not as good as “so and so” (who by the way gets paid to do what you are just learning) while chipping away at our already fragile self-image.

No wonder we play small.  Who wants to live with that?

Play small. Stay safe.

You suck at it anyway, so why bother.

They’ll all laugh at you.

Guess I need to put down the club and go tend to my self-inflicted wounds.

Lesson:  Cut yourself some slack.

Maybe tomorrow.

Yep, self-hatred is a real bitch.