it’s not always your s***

It’s not every day one wakes up without the weight of a 23 year old issue.

But today, I did.  

WOOHOO!!

The story of how I came to be burdened with crap for 23 years is long and juicy.  And quite frankly, for the 1st time since 1985, I have no real desire to rehash it.  Not here.  Maybe, not ever again.

The short version is simply this:  At 20 years old, my best friend (and the 1st man I believed I was deeply in love with) literally walked away from our friendship.  Quite abruptly.  With intimate knowledge of my deepest fears and insecurites, he used the power of his words to inflict maximum damage.  After feeling like I was being beaten in a prize fight, he finished by ripping my heart out with this parting comment, “What you have to say no longer matters.”

I never saw it coming.

And for most of my adult life, I have  carried those words from that conversation in my psyche as if they were the gospel truth.  I mean, let’s face it, if he could say such a thing, then clearly, I really didn’t matter.  Nothing I said or did ever would.

And because our beliefs create our circumstances, my beliefs that I wasn’t worthy, good enough or really didn’t matter, would manifest itself most greatly in my career.  Boss after boss would confirm my “truth” that I wasn’t valuable.

Funny how that works, huh?  The thoughts you feed and nurture have no choice but to produce fruit that substantiates your underlying beliefs.

And when you have evidence presenting itself time and time again, you come to believe that it must be “true.”

The “truth” it turns out, wasn’t mine.  All of the poison he spewed on me that night and  for years afterwards (yes, I was stupid enough to allow him back in my life), was NEVER about ME. 

It was his shit. 

But I was all to willing to take it on as my own. 

Isn’t that what love does?

News flash:  Love lifts up.  It doesn’t tear down.

Love for me now means thinking enough of myself FIRST, to always choose peace.   If something or someone in my life doesn’t bring me peace and joy, it’s time for me to  question, “what is this doing for me? and has the time come to let it go?”

I invite you to take a good, long look at your life.

What labels, excuses, fears, etc. are you carrying because someone else handed them to you and you willingly accepted?

“I’m not really good at _________.”

“I’m stupid/fat/ugly/________”

“I’m not lovable.” or “No one will ever want me.”

Revisit the grandest dream you’ve ever had for your life and ask yourself, “what beliefs am I carrying that are blocking my blessings?”

Then just listen.

While you may not be surprised at the particular beliefs you are carrying, upon further examination, you may be shocked at how you came to them. 

The people we love do the best they can with what they have.  But the labels your parents or other family members put on you, the mean things the kids used to say about you, or that horrible thing your ex said when they walked out, ISN’T ABOUT YOU.

Let it go. 

Give it back.

Bury it.

But whatever it takes, please stop carrying it.

It’s not your shit.

Choose now, in this moment, to carry a new, empowering belief about yourself in it’s place. Repeat it 10-20 times a day for at least the next 30 days.

You deserve to be free.

You deserve peace.

And joy is a choice.

My new belief?

I matter to ME!

Hey, better late than never.

rock on!