It ain’t over

Since writing yesterday’s post, I’ve had idea after idea running naked through my head. (Yes, it’s as scary as it sounds.)

• I got an idea for a website.

• I drafted a sales page (a damn good one)

• I even came up with a script for a short video to put on another site for a project I was gearing up for

The clarity of these transmissions was astounding. It was like someone was dictating in my head and she was calm, sane and very focused.

Saying “I quit” apparently was liberating for my creative genius.

Hmmmmm….

Along with all those ideas, I went off to do an online application for a credit union job. I was trying to decide if I was going to apply for full or part-time work and the voice just laughed.

Now that you’ve said you’d get a job, you don’t have to. Your f*ck it* gene has finally kicked in.

Now, I wasn’t quite sure what that meant until I went to the credit union later in the day to make a deposit.

I’ll save the dirty little details for another time, but suffice it to say, that when I said to Shenaynay behind the counter, “Are you f*ckin’ kidding me?” that the voice made sense.

Trust me, I took a breath and looked down before I openly cursed.

I tried really hard not to get angry when she said it would take NINE BUSINESS DAYS for my check to clear.

I tried to hold back the rant when she asked “Is that OK?” like if I answered “NO” (which I did) that she would provide an alternative. (They never do, so why ask the stupid question?)

I even pursed my lips hoping to avoid the oncoming expletive.

I couldn’t.

And life went on.

Now Shenaynay wanted to get all indignant, like she’d never heard the word before. (I hate that hypocrisy)

Whatever.

Damn, fuck, shit, hell.

Although someone died in the moments I wrote that last sentence, it wasn’t because I wrote it.

We can get bent out of shape about some really stupid shit. Where is all that indignation for stuff that matters? Child slavery, poverty, the high school drop-out rate in the inner cities?

Damn…I digressed.

After I said it, I realized that I wasn’t sorry that it came out. I was angry. It’s what I was feeling. It was as real as it could get in that moment.

And I’m done apologizing for that.

The Universe’s response was nothing short of AWESOME.

First, in the form of a blog post that reminded me that I have already created a successful business since leaving corporate. It didn’t make a million dollars but it was enough money to help us buy a new car that year. And I don’t need a million dollars now. Check it out: http://bit.ly/bUNT6q

The second response happened today as I sat down to write another post. My daughter had just come in and turned on VH1 and Aerosmith’s “Dream On” was playing.

The significance?

On my last day at my corporate job, I showed up at 2am. I was sitting in the parking lot, staring at the buildings that I had given so much of my life force to, when the song came on the radio. I cranked it up, got out of the car and stood there singing at the top of my lungs. It was a moment I probably will never forget because I felt freer and more alive than I had in..well, years. Far too many to count.

So, getting a job is not ruled out, but it’s clear that unless anything I pursue makes me feel free and alive, I’m just wasting time.

No doubt, I’m on to something.

Dream Until the Dream Comes True.

Love ya’,

Lisa

*P.S.  Saying “F*ck It” is actually a spiritual practice.   Seriously.