Sun
18
Jul '10

I want it NOW

I want the world

I want the whole world

I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it’s my bar of chocolate..

Give it to me….NOW! (Veruca Salt -Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory)

I’m having one of those days.

Tired of waiting to get my spiritual awakening.

You know, that life-changing moment where you discover that this is all bullshit and God actually exists and you can heal the planet with your fucking mind.

That moment where you no longer have any fear and are surrounded by singing angels and floating in bliss. (And still reside on this planet, thank you)

That moment that turns you into a best-selling author and has Oprah creating a world-wide event from it.

Yeah..that moment.

For some reason, I’m fuckin’ tired of waiting for mine today.

GIVE IT TO ME NOW.

*sigh*

The truth is, I do know why I am feeling that way.

I’m tired of having thoughts about things and people that I don’t want to have.
I am tired of remembering the crap.
I am tired of being worried about the future.
I am tired of reliving the pain.
I am tired of feeling like I am wasting time believing that my dreams will ever come true.

I know my triggers. I know I am not my thoughts. I know the so-called fucking power is in the present moment.

SO WHY AM I NOT LIVING THAT WAY EVERY DAY?

Why can’t I be all light and playful about life like the damn Dalai Lama?

Why can’t I just “trust the process?”

Hmm?

(Now I wonder what kinda penalty there is for using damn and Dalai Lama in the same sentence?)

I know you can relate to this.

The feeling like you still have yet to arrive but you’ve been in the damn car for what feels like 16 lifetimes.

AM I THERE YET?

Enough already.

When does all of the personal work -the praying, the meditations, the yoga, the countless books, CDs and courses, the channelers, the healers-pay off?

When do I get my peace?

When do all of my dreams come true?

I’ve got no easy answers for you. No provocative coaching questions. No bold inquiries. Just a temper tantrum befitting Veruca Salt.

And as we say on Twitter, for now #thatisall

6 Comments »

6 Responses to “I want it NOW”

  1. Bonnie Says:

    I can certainly relate to this! Maybe this is why Buddhists say life is struggle! I think that our problem is that we want instant gratification – our “chocolate” so we just move along waiting for that perfect moment when total “enlightenment” arrives!

    That life-changing moment arrives when you least expect it, at a time that may even seem inappropriate (or your feeling may seem so) and the bad part about it is that is so fleeting that you might miss it – you just know you have changed. Or you dwell in that moment and once it is past, the sweetness is gone and you continue to crave it and want it repeated – the craving for “chocolate” is back. So that fucking empty feeling is back – we forget how fullness feels – and the damn chase continues.

  2. Pamela Taylor Says:

    I'm guessing this is normal. Everyone has an 'off' day. Life is not all lollipops and rainbows.

    Relish this moment and consider it part of the journey.

    I've heard 'successful' people say that the journey is the most important and rewarding part.

    Is it possible that once you get 'there' and 'have it all' you will be disappointed? Maybe it will be anti-climactic and not exactly how you pictured it?

    Does the saying, 'mo' money, mo' problems' ring any bells?

    Just something to munch on and ruminate for a spell.

  3. Peggie Says:

    The Dalai Lama claims to have his 'moments' when it comes to mosquitoes. I suspect he'd find you a great conversationalist and might be amused…seems to have a great sense of humor.

    Stop waiting.

    Just be.

    I know exactly how you feel. When it got to this point that you describe, I released myself of EVERY outside influence that was making me feel "bad" or "not there yet" (meaning I unsubscribed from about 2 dozen ezines, stopped watching certain videos and let go of groups that were supposed to help me 'clear my blocks' but only had me comparing myself to everyone else in the group).

    8 months later I stuck my head out, cautiously, to sniff the air. It seemed clear again. And I realized – during that 8 months – I already had the core answers I needed. Everything else was just window dressing and someone else's version of my perfect life.

    But that's my story, not yours.

    What if, right this second, all your dreams were perfectly here?

    Nah. that sounds patronizing and ridiculous to me.

    What are you waiting for — go out and SNATCH UP whatever you want. I think asking for your spiritual awakening – i love it — means you've got it. You know you CAN make it happen!

    yeah. i got nothin. Just love it and the voice and the humor and the frustration. and the willingness to be you fully and completely.

    #thatisall

  4. Robin Says:

    I have felt that way sooo many times and that’s when vacations are due.

    I agree with Peggy’s idea of unsubscribing, etc. I get a zillion e-zines that all have the answer if I would just listen to their free telesummit or read their blogs or tune into their higher plane.

    After reading all of this stuff, I start to feel like I’m being left behind in the world of bliss. Wait! I’ll catch up after I meditate on creating the best network coaching program and write my book about how I made 5 million dollars in 6 months just by mastering that yoga position I learned at boot camp.

    I have found such peace in not watching the news and reading only one or two e-zines and blogs.

    Love yours! Thanks for the honesty, Lisa!

  5. Robin Says:

    I have felt that way sooo many times and that’s when vacations are due.

    I agree with Peggy’s idea of unsubscribing, etc. I get a zillion e-zines that all have the answer if I would just listen to their free telesummit or read their blogs or tune into their higher plane.

    After reading all of this stuff, I start to feel like I’m being left behind in the world of bliss. Wait! I’ll catch up after I meditate on creating the best network coaching program and write my book about how I made 5 million dollars in 6 months just by mastering that yoga position I learned at boot camp.

    I have found such peace in not watching the news and reading only one or two e-zines and blogs.

    Love yours! Thanks for the honesty, Lisa!

  6. TexInTheCity Says:

    Girl, I am/have been feeling the EXACT same way.

    I just recently unsubscribed to EVERYTHING that promised to give me the answers and gifted many of my audio programs and videos. I hope I am like Peggy and it only takes 8 months to declutter myself.

    I compounded my not being enough, where is my dream life angst by adding the oh my gawd I am about to turn 40 pressure and my head just exploded.

    Glad to see I am not alone.

    Love ya mucho,
    Tex