How Letting Go Got the Toilet Cleaned

If you’re a regular reader of the blog, you know that I am challenged by “letting go”, especially around certain relationships.  I have shared some of the drama in letting go of one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve ever known –even when I knew the best of the moments shared had long since passed.

Who am I kidding?

I SUCK at letting go.

You won’t be surprised to know that this “deficiency” applies to my daughter, our only child.  At 19, she is extremely dependent because she doesn’t have to really do much of anything.  Her father and I are happy to provide her with a very comfortable existence.  Too comfortable, some might say.  I often worried about how she would make her way in the world if something happened to us.

That was until last week.

On Wednesday, after 9 days on antibiotics she began to develop what we thought were hives.  We decided to give it 24 hours and on Thursday, she went to class.  By the time she got home, the rash was worse.  She tried to take a nap, but a few hours later she came down and said she had to get to the doctor…now.

The doctor took one look at her and sent us to the ER.  After several hours in the ER, it was decided that she was having a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotics she’d been given 10 days earlier.  By this time, the rash covered her hands and wrists like gloves, covered her face and had spread around her neck and down her back.  She looked miserable.  They immediately administered a steroid to stop the reaction and decided to admit her for overnight observation.

That’s when it hit me—she could die if they don’t stop this reaction.

When she was 4 and sitting in the ER, you can sort of mask your fear.  Not so easy with a 19 year old.  She knew the reason they were admitting her as well (even though they never said it).  And she was just as scared as I was.

And then we surprised each other…

We just let go.

There was nothing we could do to make the night pass faster.  Nothing we could do to stop what was happening in her body.

We had to trust.

And know that no matter what, it would be ok.

We never spoke those words to each other.  We just looked at each other and knew.  We decided that I would not spend the night in the hospital with her because it wouldn’t change anything.

I needed to go home so we both could grow up a bit.

I would have to make the 11-mile drive back to the hospital, by myself, in rush hour traffic in a city I still know nothing about. That was very scary to me.  

She would have to take responsibility for asking for anything she needed during the night.  She has a hard time asking for help because her mother is an empath and has always anticipated her needs.

By Friday morning, we were different people.

I successfully navigated the drive and all the construction at the hospital.  I was afraid and did it anyway.  Just like boot-camp weekend, I once again accessed the courage I needed.  Proof to me that I can get through ANYTHING even while I’m afraid.

I walked into the room to see her finishing her breakfast.  Her face was looking better and I asked her how her night was.  She said she had to call the nurse a few times for help because with the IV in her hand, she just couldn’t do certain things.  She needed help to get up and go to the bathroom.  She needed some medication to relieve her pain.  She needed help with her breakfast tray.  In every case, she asked someone she didn’t know to help her out.  (Something she has struggled with all her life).

I looked at this petite young woman and saw an adult.

And she felt like one as well.

The new found confidence got her thinking about college.  She’s in an environment that in no way, shape or form resembles her former boarding school crowd.  Single mothers, convicts, people with multiple tattoos and piercing—not the kind of people she is used to being around.  She had been feeling a little intimidated but now feels she can hold her own.  She’s excited about returning tomorrow.

She came home and took responsibility for managing her medication schedule.  She started her research paper instead of waiting until the last minute.  Heck, she even cleaned her own bathroom.

She reminded me that she is more than capable of taking care of herself…if I let her.

Let’s face it—life is always going to throw unexpected and even unwelcome things into our path.  The power in moving through those challenges doesn’t always come in pushing through them.  My daughter and I discovered the strength we needed to meet the challenge by letting go. (And gained a clean toilet to boot.)

So, what situation are you trying to control?

Where are you hanging on so tight in order to “make things happen?”

What would happen if you just “let go?”

Come back and let me know what you discover.