Wed
16
May '12

Grieving

One of my nephew’s was killed earlier this week.

He was 25.

Named after his father, we called him “Little Brian” to make the distinction.

Whenever I thought of him, this image came to mind:

That’s my dad. “Paw-Paw” as Brian called him.

Dad is pushing out his dentures, something he always did with little kids. They were fascinated that he could move his teeth like that. 🙂

Brian loved staying with my parents.

After my father died, a short time after this picture was taken, Brian would come to the house looking for Paw-Paw and then he would settle in a corner in the front room and talk to himself.

My mother assumed that he was trying to “talk” to the police scanner and CB radio in that corner.

One day she asked him, “Who ya’ talking to?” to which little Brian responded (rather annoyed), “I talkin’ to Paw-Paw.”

It would be years before I could believe that was possible, but now I know children see things we can’t. Now I believe that Dad was talking to Brian and that Brian could see him.

I hope they are talking now.

***

Someday I may make peace with this. I don’t really know. It’s not his death that disturbs me as much as the pain my sister is feeling. A pain no parent should have to endure.

And there is nothing I can do to take it away.

I feel helpless.

And that really sucks.

***

I’m angry that my nephew has become another African-American male statistic.
I feel guilty that maybe I didn’t do enough to stop it.
I feel hopeless because far too many families today (and the next day and…) will share this experience with us and no one seems to care because they are black.

But at least I’m still feeling something.

And that’s a testament to Brian.

He brought love and light into our lives.

And that will never be diminished.

***

I am grieving.

And grateful.


Brian with my oldest brother, Paul. All grown up. 🙂

15 Comments »

15 Responses to “Grieving”

  1. PAMELA TAYLOR Says:

    Lisa, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, grief, and pain. I can't imagine the shock and sadness. Hold on to the memories of Brian and be there to comfort your sister and family.

  2. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Thank you, Pam.

    xoxo

  3. @lipdesign Says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, for the pain you feel and expressed so beautifully here. Holding all of you in love and light, praying for your sister as this has to be the worst pain for any parent to endure. And grateful that you shared Brian's story with us. I love you, dear friend. xoxo

  4. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Thank you, Lori. Feeling the love…

    xo

  5. Susan Says:

    I'm so sorry Lis – beyond sorry, actually. I'm sad and angry and helpless right along with you. But people do care and there is hope. If I can't give you a hug, I can at least give you that. Love to you all – so much love! oxo

  6. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Thank you,Susan, for your never-ending love and support.

  7. Peggie Says:

    Oh. Lisa. So much pain. I'm so sorry. If I knew how to stop the hurt, the pain and the frustration – I would. I grieve for you and am sending prayers for all of you. Love, Peg

  8. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Love you, Peg. Thank you.

    xo

  9. Robin LeVine Says:

    My love goes out to you. I hope his memory will ease some of the pain.
    Robin

  10. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Thank you, Robin. xo

  11. Alisha Says:

    RT @LisaMilesBrady: Grieving http://t.co/67CyhUxL — sad for my mom and her family, but so happy to be able to read her words again

  12. Terry R Says:

    Lisa – my arms reach out to hug you. We can't understand why, there are many questions and too much pain. But know that you are not alone and so many of us do care. We care about our sister and we care about Brian who we wouldn't have known if you hadn't shared him with us. Feel the comfort of those who love you standing hand in hand with our unseen angels lifting you up. – Terry R in Bloomington

  13. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Thank you, Terry, for being an angel in my life. Miss you.

    xo

  14. Tex In The City Says:

    I know that there is nothing that I can say or do that can make you feel better. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that he's is NOT just another statistic. Someone DOES care.

    Much love to you and your family,
    Tex

  15. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Thank you, Tex. Feeling the love…

    xo