Free yourself

One of the biggest challenges in this journey of rebuilding my belief system, was learning that right and wrong are subjective.  We often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” however I have come to learn that everything we see and therefore judge, really stems from one’s limited perspective. 

In my diversity work, I used to refer to it as filter or lenses.  You know how two people can observe the same thing, yet report back two very different stories?  Their brains have processed what they saw based on many experiences.  And since no 2 people have the same set of experiences, doesn’t it stand to reason that maybe, those experiences “taint” the way they view things?

So the same could apply to “right” and “wrong.”  As Americans, we tend to think our way is the way.  Many people supported the Iraq war (and still do).  We thought we were ridding the world of an evil and freeing the Iraqi people.  But that “evil” turned out to be a stabilizing force in that region.  And the resulting insurgency certainly doesn’t seem to view Americans as saviors.  A favorite line in a James Bond movie, “one man’s terrorist in another man’s freedom fighter.”  Again, it all depends on the view through your lenses.

All that said, I have begun to apply these ideas to people that have deeply hurt me.  As my evolution continues, I know that everything that had transpired was a part of our soul agreement.  Yes, I’m saying,  I asked to be treated badly.

I’ve learned to stop and ask, “what do I need to learn from this?” or “why did I bring this experience here?  what was I hoping to learn?”   These are never easy questions to ask when you’re in pain.  I get that.  But blame has left me powerless because I get to be the victim.  I get to tell the story over and over again about how so and so treated me badly.

So as I was making my morning coffee, the words came to me, “I release the need to make you wrong for the choices you’ve made in our relationship.” Suddenly, I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me and then an incredible lightness.  It was as if the heaviness in my heart pulled up anchor and floated away.  I was free.

What if today, instead of being right, you chose to be free?  What if you chose peace over victimhood?  What if you chose to love that person…anyway?

Free yourself.  As my friend and mentor, Jenny, would say, “i triple dog dare you!”