Sun
17
Jan '10

Drop the Stories

We look outside ourselves for acceptance and approval – “Soar” by Christina Aguilera

I am fascinated by people’s stories.  One of the reasons I believe that I draw people so easily is that I am a great listener and I love to hear about your experiences.  It gives me great insight into a human being because I often am blessed to hear the stories that they have never shared with anyone else.  I feel so honored each and every time someone is that vulnerable with me.

But I also notice how people use stories to justify things, mainly how they feel about something.  I’ve done a lot of training via teleclass and have had the opportunity to interact with people all over the world.  Most of the work I do usually requires some deep emotional upheaval and that makes people uncomfortable.  I have recently come to the realization that people will do anything…anything not to feel “difficult” or  unwanted emotions.

One of those ways around it is to mask our feelings in a story.

I have a real pet peeve when someone arrives to a teleclass late and instead of just saying, “I’m here, sorry I was late” they launch into all the reasons why.  I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.  You were late.  So what.  Move on.  But I can see now that the story makes them feel better because they have also told themselves a story about how awful (irresponsible, stupid, etc.) they are for being late.  Rather than just accept their feelings in the moment, they rationalize in all sorts of ways so that they don’t have to feel whatever it is that came up.

Many of my past spiritual mentors have told me that if you stay present with an emotion it will pass.   I can’t say that I have believed that until now because I have been gifted with an ability to feel at very deep levels.  I have hated someone enough to see myself killing them.  I have experienced depression so deep I tried to commit suicide believing it was the only way to stop the pain.  I have loved so passionately that I couldn’t tell where I ended and they began.

Where I have gotten stuck, however, is feeling something I felt I shouldn’t.  Believe me , the feeling of  hate was justified.  But to love someone who doesn’t love you back, who has hurt you in unimaginable ways, is just plain stupid, right?

So you keep telling yourself a story.  The story is better than feeling your truth:  I’m still in love with an asshole.

Just writing that makes me laugh out loud.  My coach, Jenny, once asked me, “Where does the love go?” (in this case we were discussing a relationship break-up).  I have always wondered that.  And now, I believe that it remains.  And because you don’t want to feel it and accept it, you tell the story of how they are this, that and the other thing and how they don’t deserve you and so on and so on.  Instead of just admitting that “yes, they treated me like shit and for some reason, I still love them.”

That’s way too hard and what kind of idiot are you for loving someone who is a complete ass?

An honest one.  A human one.  A perfect one.

After 1 week into Debbie Ford’s 21-day consciousness cleanse (check out Oprah.com), I was facing day 8, the gift of liberation, when I got stuck.  Leaving my past behind brought up all sorts of stories, but thankfully, rather than investing in them further, I dug in and committed to letting them all go.  No matter what.

I was overjoyed when I woke up from my nap with these words floating around from my Spirit.

“You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel what you feel.  Yes, you still love him.  You just do.  Enough said.”

I started laughing out loud.  In four short sentences, I experienced the powers of liberation, responsibility and acceptance.

Years of crap lifted from my consciousness.  It was nothing short of miraculous.

Lesson:

  • You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel what you feel.
  • Whatever you are feeling is just fine.  There is nothing wrong with you for having ANY emotional response.
  • Own what you feel.  Just be in it.
  • And when you do, you’ll find it no longer has a hold on you.

Enough said. 🙂

Your coaching inquiry should you accept it:

What feelings are you ashamed of having that you’d rather tell a story than shed light on them?  What could shift if you would allow yourself to feel what you feel with someone’s (including your own) approval?  What would become available to you if you stopped making yourself wrong for whatever?

Here’s to you dropping your stories!

Love & magic,

The Resident Diva

4 Comments »

4 Responses to “Drop the Stories”

  1. Carol Hess Says:

    As always, what you wrote struck a resounding note. In this case it was more of a CLANG that wasn’t very pleasant but definitely got my attention! I’ve been on quite the emotional roller coaster the last few days, and I was feeling guilty.

    Guilty because I’m not “supposed” to go on an emotional roller coaster. I’m supposed to be inhuman and perfect and always balanced and in control of my emotions because I’m the strong one. What utter bullshit that is.

    And guilty because I was honest about my feelings for once and took some people along for the ride on my emotional roller coaster. What will they think of me for not being more emotionally stable? Tsk tsk. I might have upset them by showing up with all my untidy feelings. Tsk tsk. More bullshit.

    Those are some great questions you ask, Lisa. I’m going to go answer them now.

  2. Pamela Taylor Says:

    Cheers to your liberation! A great way to start the new year.

    I do believe that there are valuable lessons in our stories; not only for us but for others as well. As long as we can share the story, own it, and move on. I guess that’s the key.

    How’s the book coming along?

    Who do you think will benefit from the 21-Day cleanse?

    Fondly,

    Pam

  3. Lisa Says:

    Carol & Pam–

    I think my next book will be called, “Own Your Shit” 🙂 (Thanks, Dave!). I realize that people are so afraid of their feelings, because they don’t know where they will take them and god forbid, they can’t find a way back.

    What I know for sure? NOT feeling them, NOT owning them will kill you. Maybe not a physical death, but when the life has been sucked out of your very soul because you are so afraid to feel, to be who you are, no matter what others might think, you are just as dead.

    As for the 21 day cleanse–it takes some courage, which I know you have, Pam. I’m moving into day 15, the phase known as “future” and having released so much toxicity from my past has already made this day unbelievably perfect. I feel so alive and have so much joy and so much genuine gratitude. This cleanse is for EVERYONE who wants to live.

  4. Susan Says:

    Today I’m giving myself permission to feel what I feel and let it be ok – only if i’m the only one who thinks so =)

    Thanks for being my rock … my insightful, talented, dependable, true, no bullshit rock.

    Now, if the butterflies would just vacate my stomach!