Fri
3
Dec '10

Dear God, I’m Here

Today’s #reverb10 prompt was one I read just after midnight.

December 3 โ€“ Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
(Author: Ali Edwards)

I thought about it all day.

I wanted to be creative, like my friend Eloiza at Deepening Wisdom, who shared her moments in pictures.ย  (Aren’t they cute?)

But I didn’t have any.

Another #reverb10 participant wrote about the moment his daughter was born.

My childbirth experience was 19 years ago.

Truth is, I just didn’t want to bore you.

Or me. ๐Ÿ™‚

But as she often does, my sister-friend, Sally, reminded me of my every day moments:ย  When I see my daughter or when my hubby holds my hand or gives my a hug.ย  I come alive in the moments I see a comment from one of you, or I get a note in my inbox from a friend, or when I go on Twitter and see some of my tweeties sharing their day.

I realized that I feel most alive in the moments I feel love(d).

Another “unexpected” blessing of 2010:ย  I realized that LOVE is EVERYWHERE in my life.

I just had to look.

And expect to see it.

But in choosing to stay true to the prompt, I wanted to recall a particular moment.

It was the day we moved out of our last house.

I hated the place.

And the landlord.

(Ok, well, I didn’t “hate” him per se, he was just incompetent)

The house was a piece of shit.

I tried to love it.

And most days, I succeeded.ย  We even talked about buying it and remodelingย  because it deserved to be beautiful again.

But we knew, deep down, we’d never be happy there.

So when the job offer came, I was over the moon.ย  (Note: from offer to unload, it was only 30 days. I think a record for a corporate move!)

We. Were. Leaving. That. House.

Hallelujah!

I still remember walking through it one last time.

It smelled like lemons from the cleaning products I used in the kitchen and there was a faint waft of baby powder mixed in from the carpet cleaner I’d used upstairs.

The sun was shining through all the sorry-ass curtains he’d left us and I walked from room to room, saying “thank you” and asking the house to be good to the next residents.

I didn’t want to leave any negative energy behind.

By the time I got to the door, I was limping.ย  Every part of my body was aching from the hours of cleaning.ย  I stepped outside onto the porch and looked up.ย  The sky was baby blue and I noticed the buds on the neighbor’s tree.ย  In her window, I remember her calico scowling at me because she was tired of being disturbed by the slamming doors every time we brought something out to the van.

My heart leaped as I closed the door for the last time.

I climbed (more like, crawled) into the van, looked over at my darling husband and smiled with tears streaming down my face.ย  He kissed me and whispered, “We did it.”

Meaning, the seven long years of hell we’d been through were finally over.

Two job resignations, two failed business start-ups, letting our only child go 1000 miles away to boarding school, clients who didn’t pay, neighbors and (former) friends gossiping about us, a basement flood, days with no power or heat in the middle of winter, weeks we didn’t have enough food, leaving the house we’d built, with the last memories of my mother alive and healthy.

But the worst of it had been the countless nights we’d spent apart over the previous two and half years.

And now, we were starting a new phase of his career that would allow him to be home every night.

With us.

Yes.ย  We’d made it.

I don’t know that I could convey how I felt in that moment.ย  But I was reminded of the scene in The Color Purple when Whoopi Goldberg’s character, Miss Celie, finally leaves Mr. (Danny Glover)

As the car is pulling away, she says, “I’m poor. Black. I may even be ugly. But dear God, I’m here!ย  I’m here!”

That’s how my moment felt.

It was damn good to be alive.

To be here.

I’ve included the video since I can’t act it out for you. ๐Ÿ™‚ The scene is about 7:50 in.

Enjoy.

xoxo

#######

And tell me…what was your moment in 2010?

26 Comments »

26 Responses to “Dear God, I’m Here”

  1. @stephestellar Says:

    Ha, there is nothing like kicking the dust off your feet on the way out, is there? Yay for victorious moments – thanks for sharing, Lisa!
    My recent post Day 3- Moment

  2. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Amen! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Loved your moment post. Alive in the highs & lows and back. Brill. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Tex In The City Says:

    "The sun was shining through all the sorry-ass curtains he’d left us and I walked from room to room, saying “thank you” and asking the house to be good to the next residents.I didn’t want to leave any negative energy behind."

    HA! I could just "see" you walking through the house thinking, "You and your sorry ass curtains can kiss my shiny hiney, BUT I am gonna bless this house in love and light for the next family ๐Ÿ˜‰ Asshole."

    I love it!
    My recent post Rev10 Day 3- Moment

  4. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    It took me 10 minutes to stop laughing long enough to respond.

    You are just so wrong for that!!

    But you better believe that identity known as Shenaynay in my psyche was saying EXACTLY that. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I love ya', Tex. AND I am so thrilled you're playing #reverb10 with me!!!

  5. FrankDickinson Says:

    OMG I can't stop laughing – ok – I admit it – I laughed until I cried!

    I too can just see and hear Lisa doing that

    Finishing it with an emphatic "asshole"!

    Thank you Lisa for a great p[ost and Tex for making laugh my ass off!
    My recent post Are You Linkedin

  6. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Oh the abuse! ๐Ÿ™‚

    One of these days, ole Shenaynay is going to write a post just for you two!

    <3

  7. Lisa Miles Brady Says:

    Dear God, I'm here: http://bit.ly/gqp2Lz Day 3 – Moment #reverb10

  8. Shenee Says:

    I think that is why I didn't do this reverb prompt. I couldn't really lock down a moment of wonder and I got sad cause I wasn't able to find something wondrous. Truth is, so much in my life is something wonderful. My family, the love they have for me, my life! LOVE and more Love.

  9. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    That is all you need to say about it, Shenee. ๐Ÿ™‚ Toss up some confetti, shake 'ur rump and say "THANK YOU for the love and more love. My life is filled with wondrous moments!"

    And as Tex would say, "Woo to the effin Hoo!"

  10. Alisha Says:

    Thank you for this. It reminds me of so many of the days we have had in our own little hell. It gives me hope that we too will be able to say we made it.

  11. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    When I was in the middle of it, I saw no light. It felt like it was never going to end.

    And then one day, one of the many I was curled up in bed wishing I would die, I asked, "If my life is going to be like this until I do die, what am I supposed to learn from this hell?"

    "Trust."

    When I finally accepted that, I could see a glimmer of hope. The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel finally made it's debut in the mess.

    Keep your eyes on the light. It will show you the way.

    xo

  12. amyoscar Says:

    Oh, I felt this post – so well written and heartfelt. It reminded me of the day we sold our last house. Our sale took a little longer – it had been listed 2.5 years, and I'd just about given up. I'd decided to bloom where we were planted and I;d gone out to the hill behind the house where the bittersweet vines grew into great tangles twiney brown loops. I cut as many vines as I could carry – armloads full, and carried them into the kitchen where I dropped them on the floor and began. I wove them all around the room, up around the ceiling joists which my husband had exposed when the beam fell on the stove. I wound them around the posts he'd used to hold the ceiling up, and around the unfinished wall between the kitchen and the living room. When I was finished, I wound tiny white christmas lights into the vinery. It was gorgeous, like a fairy garden – but inside. I sat down and sipped a cup of tea, with cream and honey.
    The phone rang. After months of no activity, my real estate agent had a couple in her office. they wanted to see the house. They made an offer that day. When we moved, we left the vines up. Five years later, my son went to visit the house with his girlfriend. The vines were still there.
    My recent post When you Surrender a Relationship…
    My recent post Breakthrough Burnout

  13. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    Mmmmm…

    That sounds absolutely magical. Not being much of an outdoors person, I can't imagine bringing vines into the house :), but I closed my eyes and imagined the lights…an indoor fairy garden, indeed.

    How lucky that couple was to have been left such a gift of love & trust from your heart…to theirs. Still connecting you some 5 years later.

  14. Karen Says:

    "How lucky … to have been left such a gift of love & trust from your heart…to theirs. Still connecting you some 5 years later". A beautiful sentiment, I know it well. It has been that long since we met In Trust Mastery. Yes, I am still practicing the quest. My toughest part of this journey on my path. I love this blog…very thought provoking.

  15. Karen Says:

    "Ah yes to be happy in hell. I know it well a journey in my life that provided great lessons. Hell never ends. It stands with its doors wide open for any soul to enter at any choosing. I now know it is merely a state of mind that I entertain. I can be happy in the so called perception in life that places me in the throws of this vile hell. Once happy in hell I quickly learned hell never closes. It is always there. It is always there with its doors wide open, blazing fires outreached to consume me.

  16. Karen Says:

    Breathe my friend, breathe and be strong, centered in your heart, filled with every beauty, peace and security. Just because doors are wide open beckoning know it is choice that allows us to enter its grips. For within ourselves there stands a mighty transformational power that if we choose to engage makes us Shadrach, Meshach, or Abednego in Daniel’s the blazing fiery furnace untouched by Hell fire. Surrender not to the fires but allow them to teach and show the way to that sacred space of power within. Allow and detach. Make room for clarity and direction. Ask what can I do to make my life better? Indeed we recognize that value of the bittersweet and make it work for us. We weave and tend and soon falling beams are better. We learn we are here and now, where ever we are. We know in the knowing this too shall pass. Time is irrelevant. The lesson: I am happy where ever I am. I am whole where ever I am. Life is beautiful when I allow it to take shape and form. Transformation is mine. All of life is of good purpose. Life is good

  17. LisaMilesBrady Says:

    My dearest Karen,

    What a gift to feel your radiant presence again! Thank you for coming to give me a much needed hug. ๐Ÿ™‚

    It's so amazing that you would stop by and share so eloquently today as I made the request to open my heart and allow me to deepen my connections: to others, to my writing, to my truth. I want to as easily see the beauty and blessings of fallen beams as I can the gifts being presented in Karen's eyes.

    "Transformation is mine." ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you, Karen.

    xoxo

  18. Lori I Paquette Says:

    RT @LisaMilesBrady: Dear God, I'm Here http://bit.ly/eNCLkh

  19. Eloiza Jorge Says:

    RT @LisaMilesBrady: Dear God, I'm here: http://bit.ly/gqp2Lz Day 3 – Moment #reverb10

  20. gr8coach Says:

    Sweetness that is my absolute favorite movie of all time and that scene when Miss Celie says those words to mister "But I'm still here!" … how many times I've thought of that scene in my life! In so many ways I am Miss Celie ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for sharing this.
    My recent post Alive and Aware

  21. Pamela Says:

    Lisa,

    What a lovely post whereby I feel a warm sense of relief and comfort. It seems that you literally and figuratively turned the corner and started fresh in your new home. A bright future awaits!

    Thank you for the great clip that reminds me of what a fresh, and wonderful talent Whoopi was at the time.

    I'm gonna catch up this week on the Reverb10 project; now that I said it, I gotta do it. Yikes!

    Pam

  22. Frank Dickinson Says:

    I'm man enough to admit it – I laughed and cried at this one ->RT @LisaMilesBrady: Dear God, I'm Here http://bit.ly/eNCLkh

  23. Lisa Miles Brady Says:

    Hey @TexInTheCity. Now ur making 'em cry. Check out @FrankDickinson's response to your comment on Dear God, I'm Here: http://bit.ly/eNCLkh

  24. Jeanne Mills Says:

    And she does it again! Don't Miss @LisaMilesBrady as she shares Dear God, I'm Here: http://bit.ly/eNCLkh

  25. Shelly Says:

    Wow I felt you leaving that house! I don’t know that I have any memories like that from leaving somewhere that I lived… You’re making me think now ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. The Unexpected Gift of 2010 | Lisa Unmasked Says:

    […] an added bonus, the Uni saw fit to let me stumble upon this song, “I’m Here” from Broadway version of The Color Purple.ย  Jennifer Hudson gives a beautiful tribute to […]