Today is my best friend’s birthday.

Although today we are celebrating her “arrival”, for several months we have commiserated about the challenges of living on the planet. Both of us contemplated suicide in our younger years, so death is not a conversation we avoid. In fact, we have somewhat of pact for our afterlife. If we indeed get to choose to reincarnate, we have promised each other that we would pull the other out of the line, “Sign up here to return to Earth.”

You gotta love friends like that.

This morning we laughed about her “following” me here (My birthday was last month) and how grateful I was that she made the brave choice to come after me.

You see, she has been one of the few people who has stood by me over the past few years as my former life fell apart. I have her phone # memorized (who needs speed dial??) and when I call, we can talk for HOURS. She reaches out to me when she is creatively stuck. (She’s a gifted graphic designer, so that’s pretty fun when you consider that I can’t draw a stick figure). We laugh together, cry together, create together, and always see the best in each other.

The most amazing thing about our friendship? We have never met face to face.

She lives on the coast of Oregon and about 5 years ago, I stumbled on her website. To this day, I have no idea how I found her.

But more than her portfolio spoke to me. You could see that she had the capacity to love deeply. You could see the joy she derived from creating something beautiful. Once we spoke on the phone, her amazing intuitive nature came through as well as her crazy sense of humor. She understood coaching (and is a pretty gifted one as well) and was really curious about my diversity work. (Even now, we continue to have LOTS of conversations about race, class, and politics).

She designed a beautiful logo for me that really captured my vision. I knew that I would always highly recommend her to others and that I would return to her for other design needs (Bless her heart–she’s done 1000 website designs for me!) but I never imagined that she would become the rock upon which I would lean, the shoulder I would spend countless hours crying on, in what has become the darkest period of my life.

And because of my dear, Susan, I know that there HAS to be a God(dess). It is because of her, I can see the best, the potential in humanity. And the reason that I still have hope.

Thank you, Susan. And Happy Birthday!

I am so lucky to have friends in high places.

One of the greatest blessings I received when I left my corporate career in 2005, was KNOWING that I had made in difference in the lives of many people.

I don’t say that to stroke my ego. Time and time again, I would hear it, but my last day in the office, I KNEW it.

I realized then that many people live their lives not ever really knowing deep down whether or not their lives had meaning or actually MATTERED.

Trust me…your life has meaning.

YOU matter. YOU have made a difference. Probably in ways you don’t even realize.

This weekend, I spent hours feeling sorry for myself. I was visiting my hubby who works out of town and only comes home on the weekend. This weekend, however, he was on mandatory overtime, working 15 1/2 hours on Saturday and another 12 today. I was sad because this was not the “dream” I had for my life at 44. I was sad because I have few friends, sad because so many people I have loved did not feel the same, sad because I believe I have so little to show for the time I have spent on this planet.

Pathetic, I know. But honest.

And then I opened my email to a blog comment that left me stunned. SOMEONE had actually missed my writing. Huh?? My little private blog, the blog I put up for my own healing, was being read and appreciated and now missed.

I was stunned.

I have heard from many people that something about the way I write feels good to them. I’m flattered, but frankly, I don’t really believe them. (How rude of me to call them a liar, huh?) I write to keep from losing my mind. I write because when I don’t, I feel like I may actually explode.

It floors me that it could provide value to someone else. (And thank you Cynthia, for your loving gesture.)

I had forgotten this one gem: When you SHOW up, miracles happen for yourself and others.

So, I am back. And I will keep writing.

Because, writing soothes my soul and helps me reconnect to the part of me that only speaks truth.

That part that knows we are all connected.

That part of me that knows that in my healing, I contribute to the healing of others.

I will keep writing because YOU matter and I am grateful that you have touched my life.

Thank you.

With much love & gratitude,

Lisa

**This post is dedicated to CJ, whose writing and friendship are beautiful reminders that hiding is no longer an option.**

During my first class in coaching school, we were taken through a visualization exercise where we were supposed to meet up with our future self.    The point of the exercise was that my future self had something to share that would support me in my journey.

I won’t go into all the details of my visualization but two things have always stood out.  When I arrived at this future place in time, there were beings waiting for me in a circle.  I remember feeling overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of these beings–I could feel so much love and appreciation.  As I approached the circle, I began to make out faces.  These were people who were my champions or cheerleaders, if you will.  I could see my husband, daughter, my mother and father, and a few close friends.  I also saw people I didn’t expect to see, like a former boss and a relatively “new” friend.  I’ll never forget the look of love and appreciation in their eyes and the unconditional acceptance I felt in that circle.

I have since learned that there are more people cheering me on, loving and supporting me unconditionally than I had ever imagined.

The same goes for you.  You just have to be open to seeing it and letting go of the ways you believe their support should look like. 

The second thing I remember about the visualization is the gift my future self gave me. 

A key.

A very large key.   So large, it required two hands to hold it. 

When I asked what it meant, ‘I’ replied, “You know.”

And now, I do.

All along, I have held the key to freedom.  I have held the key to peace.   I have the key to ending all the suffering in my life.  Now.

The key?  Acceptance.

I can continue to wish that my financial situation were different.  I can continue to be angry at Paul for not loving me back.  I can continue to be outraged by the genocide in Darfur, the global food crisis or the price of gas.  I continue to berate myself for not being smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, good enough in any number of situations in my past.

And the suffering continues.

The key is to accept what is.  Right now. 

The truth is, I could not have made a different decision than wallowing in the shit Paul and I created.  I could not have made a different decision about my career, my finances, my business, than the ones I made at the time.  I couldn’t have chosen to not hurt someone feelings or not to have the all-too-frequent temper tantrums of my past. 

You see, the person I was at those moments was only capable of making the decision that was made.  Everything I had learned and believed at that time translated into my behaviors and actions.  (The same goes for those around you.  They, too, are only making the decisions they are capable of at that moment.)

Change the input-thoughts and beliefs-you change the action.  This my friend, is how we grow. 

Moment-to-moment.  Choice-by-choice.

Where ever you are today, is EXACTLY where you should be.  Accept it.  Whatever has happened in your past, accept it.  Whatever “they’ve” done to you, accept it.   You can’t have peace until you do.

I invite you to make a decision with me, right now, to end your suffering. 

• stop comparing yourself to others
• stop regretting your past
• stop wishing people (circumstances, etc.) were different
• stop believing that you are anything but whole and complete NOW.

Only you can stop your suffering.

I’ve offered you the key. 

Will you take it?

A couple of days ago, I was contacted by a potential client who mentioned that she’d looked me up on the web and found my blog.

I was shocked at my reaction.

This blog?  You mean, Lisa-Unmasked?  OMG. 

I was mortified.

And then, I had to laugh at myself.

As you know, I don’t keep this blog for business reasons nor do I expect anyone to actually read it.  I am flattered that people do and I love the feedback.

But I write this blog to honor myself.  For far too long, I have lived in fear of what others thought.  While that didn’t stop me from opening my mouth, the fear made me question my worth and even my right, to speak candidly and express how a situation appeared to me or made me feel.

I write this this blog to honor the part of me that refused to die, even when I and so many others, tried to kill her.

So, my reaction to this woman “finding” me was surprising.  And then, pretty damned funny.

In some way, I am still hiding.  Still afraid of what others will think or how they’ll react by seeing me–raw and naked.  Lisa-Unmasked isn’t meant to be “pretty” or “perfect.”  It’s meant to be ALL me.

And there I was, frightened that someone I didn’t know had found me.   Seen me.

HA!

After I stopped laughing at my reaction, I stopped for a minute and honored that part of me that is still afraid of being out here.  I spoke to her like a little girl who is afraid of the dark or of monsters in her closet.   And together, we turned on the lights and discovered, there is nothing to fear when we are true to ourselves.  When we let the world see us- when we see ourselves – perfect in our imperfections, then we no longer show up “less than” in order to make someone else feel better in our presence.  When we like “us”, it stops mattering if “they” like us.

Loving yourself, anyway, is the greatest gift you can give yourself…and the world.  For when we can love ourselves completely, we can allow others to be who they are and love them..anyway..just as they are.

And do you think that might contribute to peace on earth?? 

Oh, by the way….she hired me.

For years I have debated with myself about whether God actually listens, much less speaks to me.  I know that those doubts stem from the heartache and disappointments I’ve experienced because in the midst of such drama, I feel as if I’m alone.

As my spiritual journey went off the beaten path down a steep, unpaved, narrow mountain “road”, I ve come to see that many of us spend all this time “talking” to God, but few of us take the time to listen.  I wanted God to speak to me in a way that I understood, and when that didn’t happen, I could dismiss prayer and all other forms of communication as bogus.

The truth that I have uncovered for myself–God speaks to us ALL the time.

So the question isn’t whether God is listening to you.  The question is:  Are you listening to God?

A few years ago while in Connecticut, I heard a voice.  Turns out it was a tree.  Yes, a tree.  

 After I realized that I wasn’t crazy, I found that trees and some plants actually “talk” to me.  Some just laugh at the way I’m behaving, others offer comfort and still others, just ask me to stop and take notice.   As I got used to this phenomenon, I decided to ask my one and only houseplant if it talked and whether she had a name. (I have NO idea what this plant is and that I haven’t killed it is PROOF that miracles happen.)   She laughed at me, said her name was Astrid and wondered if I was ever going to get around to listening to her.   See, I talked to “it” all the time.  I just never took the time to hear her.

In the midst of my financial crisis, I’ve taken to writing to ease the pain, but never did I actively seek for signs that God was trying to tell me something.  I was angry and distraught at the loss of my livlihood and all the things I’d worked for.  But there was a deeper message–one I apparently wasn’t ready to hear.

Until I saw the snake.

Now, I have lived 43 years without ever seeing a snake up close.  Yet there it was at my back door.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen several.  I just have to look out my window.  Many of you reading this know that I freaked out and have had many a meltdown over them.  Yet you encouraged me to look for the meaning.   And I have.

As I started to embrace the snakes, then spiders began showing up.  Another major yuck for me.   This time, instead of freaking out, I stopped and said, “what are you trying to tell me.  I am listening.”

The answers came quickly.

Swift change is coming into my life.  It is time to let go of the old me and accept and love the new me.   I’ve had to “shed the skin” of all the illusions of my former life because I was not living a life that was created from my soul’s greatest intention.  The spider helped me see that as I bridge my past and future, that the strength that I need to draw upon is at my core-my center.  From that authentic place, the life my soul has intended all along can be created. 

And like the spider who trusts that the web it has created will support it, I too, can trust that living from my center, from my soul, will provide me with all the love,  power, courage, and sustenance I will ever need.

God is speaking to you in so many ways. 

Are you listening?