I’ve often been amazed at the things people will say and defend.  Amazed.

For most of my life, I was accused of being too sensitive.

I love that.

Too sensitive.

I am too sensitive when I care about others feelings.  Or the impact my words or actions may have on another.

Wow.

Now I will be the first to say, I am not responsible for another person’s feelings.  Most of us aren’t in touch enough with our own emotions, yet are quick to take on the baggage of someone else’s.

That’s not what I do.

While I can’t control how another may react, I can increase my awareness around certain words or phrases, especially when dealing with someone different than me.

See, my sensitivity muscles were built around cultural issues.   They were easy to develop.  Trust me.

Here’s how:

When I was growing up in a community that was 98% Caucasian, I’d wonder why the white kids felt so comfortable comparing tans after summer break and saying in my presence, “You’re as dark as a nigger.”

Oh yeah…and the time I went to meet a friend’s parents for dinner and they apologized for not serving watermelon or fried chicken.

Uh-huh.

Oh, and there was the time that a boy’s family forced him to back of a date with me because the Bible says, “tribes don’t mix.”

And my all time favorite, whenever I would meet someone in a corporate environment whom I had been working with exclusively over the phone, “You don’t sound black.”

Yes, people are a trip.

Of course, they never mean anything by it. How dare I be “offended.”

For a long time, I was.  Now, I just wonder when we are going to get it.

Here are 3 quotes from news stories I’ve read recently:

“I’m not some peacenik, pot-smoking hippie who wants everyone to be in love,” Hoh said.

“It has nothing to do with racism. I’m not doing it {asking his Spanish-speaking employees to Anglicize their names} for any reason other than for the satisfaction of my guests, because people calling from all over America don’t know the Spanish accents or the Spanish culture or Spanish anything,” Whitten says.

“We’re getting to the point where you can’t say Merry Christmas anymore,” he said. “Anybody who looks at these things and applies some common sense to it, I have a hard time seeing people saying it’s something bad.” (Frederick Maryland mayor’s response to display of 3 faceless dummies hanging in a willow tree, reminding some of the good old lynching days.)

I’m curious as to why a peacenik (pot-smoking or otherwise) who wants to see world peace is a bad thing. (Oh yeah, cause that cultural of violence and war is serving us so well.)

I wonder why I would be upset if someone asked me to change my name to Pedro because was Lisa was too confusing for others to say or pronounce. (Heaven forbid I try to learn something new or expand my horizons past Podunk, USA)

Hmmm…and if I lived in an country where lynchings were attended like a Saturday afternoon barbeque, why anyone might be offended at even the “joke” of a hanging. (Didn’t you know that they  postcard I have of the family with a dead man hanging from the tree behind them is a freakin’ collectors item?!)

Silly me.

And really, saying Merry Christmas isn’t offensive at all.  I guess I can now safely assume that Happy Hanukkah will be well-received by non-Jews this season.

Here’s what my buddy, Tim Wise, recently posted about the hotel owner’s position.  I see it as a response to anyone who thinks “political correctness” has run amok.

…here we see a few of the biggest problems with some white men: a sense of entitlement to do things as we please, to hell with others; a sense that others have to change to suit us, rather than ever having to change ourselves; and a belief that our way of doing things is best, even when it might well be racist, not to mention, stupid as hell.

Yup, stupid as hell.

Seriously, people. No one is asking you to tip toe around.  Just be willing to see things from another’s perspective.

Geesh…it isn’t that hard.

Seriously.

I was surprised to learn about President Obama’s Nobel Peace prize award on Facebook this morning.

My first thought? “Wow! That’s cool!”

I didn’t give any thought to whether he deserved it or not.  “Cause see, I wasn’t on the committee.  My opinion didn’t count because I didn’t have a vote.

I wanted to hear his press conference even though I do all I can to avoid what passes for news these days.  I turned on MSNBC thinking I could tolerate it more than CNN.

I was wrong.

I was really shocked by the reaction and discussion.  Hmmm…this really deserves a discussion beyond “Hey the US President just won the Nobel Peace Prize”?

Can someone help me understand the need to spend ALL FREAKING DAY talking about what it means?

What it means, dumbass, is that President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.  In December, he’ll go off to collect his award and get some money, make a speech and go on with the business of the day. No amount of talking, complaining, whining, bitching, moaning, agreeing or disagreeing changes the fact that he won the award.

Besides, today is Bo’s birthday. Get a grip.

Ok, Ok, I’m being my usual bitchy self.  But seriously, is anyone sitting around debating his worthiness around this actually more deserving?

If so, let me be the first to say, “Tough break.  Better luck next year.”

If not, let me say, “Shut the f*** up.”

(Damn…I was trying to be nice today.)

Perhaps I am naive, but I’m missing the point of this debate.

For the past 8 years, we as a country have held up both hands and flipped off the rest of the world.

We believed that 9/11 entitled us to do so.   To make sure everyone was on board with that, we were fed a daily diet of fear.  Out of that, as if programmed, we regurgitated what we heard on TV and even our pulpits.

“They hate us.”

“We have to defend our way of life.”

Muslims = TERRORISTS.

“If you’re not with us, you’re with the terrorists.”

“Remember 9/11.”

All of that gave us the “right” to invade a sovereign nation, detain 100s of people without charge, justify torture with the sorry-ass excuse, “I was just following orders”, spy on our own citizens and call the deaths of 1000s of  innocent civilians “collateral damage”. (Hey, they weren’t Americans and they didn’t matter anyway.)

So, this socialist, communist, Hitler-wanna-be, hatin’all white people President we have had the gall to stop flippin’ off the rest of the world and say, “let’s work together on these issues that affect us globally because we are ALL IN IT TOGETHER” and we don’t have anything better to do than to question whether or not he EARNED this award?

Wow.  And tell me again,what have YOU done to advocate peace in the world?

I think this so-called dialogue is yet another distraction.  We can rant and rave about how he has more pressure and how high the bar is set and on and on.

Or we can step back and say, “Hmm..today the world honored the US for a change in direction.  President Obama is simply a symbol of that change.  It is up to us as US citizens whether we will support him in continuing down the path of peace.  Is this the change I want to see in the world?”

What are you going to choose?

Fear.

Love.

Hate.

Peace.

Every day that choice is yours.

Today, the US President was awarded the Nobel Peace prize.

What are you going to do about it?

Big dreams.  Impossible odds.  Unwavering belief in your own purpose.

For several weeks since November,  I found myself wondering if the election of Barack Obama was just a dream that I would soon wake up from.

It wasn’t until he got out of the limo on the way to the White House today, that it actually sunk in.  In that moment,  I was no longer thinking about him as the 1st black man to be elected president.  I was watching a man who dared to dream – BIG.  Who saw himself equipped for a purpose bigger than he is and who believed in himself when very few did.

He kept his eyes on the prize.  The prize of fulfulling his destiny.

While many will continue to celebrate the historical elements of this election, I invite you to think beyond the color of his skin and our nation’s past and see the real story.

A man who believed in the best of himself and a nation.  A man who said YES to his soul’s purpose.

Will you say YES to yours?

Today is a day for each of us to step fully into our destiny.  Your soul has a song to sing that is uniquely yours.

Are you willing to dance to it’s tune?

What would be possible for you if you did?

What’s possible for you if you dared to dream BIG..NOW?

What’s possible for you if you decided to move past your fears..NOW?

What’s possible for you if you believed that you really could be, do or have the desires of your soul?

Change can happen in a instant.

You can decide right now to commit to your life’s purpose.   No matter what.

Dream your biggest dream.  And take the first step.

Yes YOU can!

I can’t believe that it’s been some 14 days since the election and I have yet to write about it.

Truth is, I’m not sure if I have the words.  But Alice Walker, the award winning author of The Color Purple, voiced many of the thoughts I’ve been having about the Obamas since the election.

Many thanks to my dear mentor and friend, coach and author Mary McHenry, for taking some time out of her busy schedule to share this with me.

Open Letter to Barack Obama from Alice Walker
Nov. 5, 2008

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done.

We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate.

One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people’s enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, “hate the sin, but love the sinner.” There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people’s spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to “work with the enemy” internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

Let us remember to keep our focus on the best in each other.

With love,

Lisa

Many of  you know of my previous work as an internal diversity consultant in a conservative Fortune 50 company.   Few concepts moved me as deeply during my training as the concept of “white privilege”.   Having grown up in a predominately white environment in NW Ohio, I was all too aware as a child of how it plays out, but  I never was able to put it into words.

Tim Wise, a self-described “angry white male”,  was recently introduced to me by a dear friend.  Over the next few posts, I will be sharing some of his views.

It’s time for us all to THINK.  Not react, not be led, but to THINK for ourselves.  Inside, we know the truth.  Own it.  Face it.  Then be the change you wish to see.

====================================================================

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
by Tim Wise, www.TimWise.org

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll “kick their fuckin’ ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it, a “light” burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.