I began this post a couple of days ago and I must admit, it’s toned down a bit.  The original title was,”Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”   I’ve grown a bit.

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The last thing I want to get into is a political debate.  My new mantra is “I allow others their experience” because quite frankly, I am extremely judgmental.  (Since I am my own worst critic, it stands to reason I am yours, too. )

Seriously, tho’, the idea being bounced around that Sarah Palin will bring former Hilliary Clinton supporters across the divide is absurd.

Am I supposed to believe that Hillary Clinton supporters so desperately want a woman in the White House that they’ll vote for McCain on the off chance he dies?

That plumbing matters more than politics?

This is a joke, right?

So what’s the plan, ladies?  We conspire to vote for someone we don’t really want, then collectively chant, dance and pray for his death, so our dream of having a woman in power comes to pass?

Gimme a break.

I would have loved to see Hillary go all the way.  I’ve been a big fan for years.  But, c’mon.  As Madeleine Albright so eloquently said in a recent speech, “ This is not a question of gender, it’s a question of agenda.”   Are you telling me that we are so pissed our girl didn’t get in that we’d elect a team and agenda that promises to set women back 50 years?  

Am I the only one who sees the error in this logic?

Ladies, we can piss, whine, complain and moan ’cause we didn’t get what we wanted.  But’s let keep it real.  This election is serious and the future of our children, our country, maybe even our world is at stake. 

I am not asking you to vote for Barack Obama.  I am asking you to consider your vision for the world.  Examine the issues.  Look for common ground.  We are not going to agree on every point.   Don’t be distracted by hot-button issues that only serve to divide us.

I’m mean really.  What’s more painful?  Adam and Steve getting married or the $5/gal for gas?

Stay focused.  Listen with your heart and decide.

Then cast your vote accordingly.

As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Live More Boldly!

Lisa

“You were on a pedestal, so to speak, and you’ve fallen from grace.”

I never imagined the long-term impact those words would have on me because the night I heard them uttered by the man I loved, I simply wanted to die.

And on two separate occasions, I would attempt to take my own life, because the pain of losing him was more than I could bear.

When I decided that I could go on, those words had already become deeply rooted in my psyche.  I would spend the next 20+ years of my life, trying to reclaim my place.  It turns out that it wasn’t as much in his eyes, as it was my own.

In the moment that I let everything he said to me that night become my truth, I gave away my power.

Because I saw myself as the “fallen one”, I would spend years trying to prove my worth to others.

I needed their approval because I didn’t have his.

Truth was, however, that I didn’t approve of myself. 

How many of us are hung up about what we didn’t get from another person?

How many of us use our past as an excuse for why we don’t have the life we want?

How long do we have to play victim, wallow in what “they” did to us, blame our parents, our weight, our bosses, our gender or race?

When will we stop the madness?

Every time we look outside of ourselves for acceptance and approval, we have given away our power.

I left my power on the porch of Delo hall in 1985 when I told myself the story that I was nothing because he didn’t love me. 

And for over 20 years I would attract people and circumstances to support my belief of unworthiness because my power still rested in his acceptance and approval.

It didn’t matter that I had a loving life partner and beautiful daughter.

It didn’t matter that I was surrounded by great friends.

My internal story was that I was unworthy, unlovable and simply didn’t matter.

Take at look at your internal story. 

What’s happened in your past that still holds your power?  What person or circumstance are you giving your energy and attention to that no longer serves you?  What story or stories do you have running over and over again that keep you small and safe?

Reclaim your power.

It starts with a choice.  You can choose to use your power to create the life you dream of or you can continue to give it away.

It’s always your choice.

I only wish that at 20, I knew that it was this easy.  But I do now.

You don’t have to wait 20 years.  Or another second.

Reclaim your POWER…NOW.

Live More Boldly,

Lisa

In two days, I will finally walk away from my former life in another city.  I started this blog as a way to begin to heal from the painful process of letting go of everything I’d spent years building.  I’ve cried more tears, cursed “god” numerous times, and filled 3 full journals, so that I could come to grips with letting go.

In the kitchen the other night as I was thinking about the upcoming election,  I remembered Barack Obama’s campaign slogan:  “Change you can believe in.”

We don’t like change.  Most of us go out of our way to avoid it.  But, let’s face it, it’s the ONLY thing that’s constant.  You won’t always like it nor do you have to.  But it’s truly unavoidable.

Your kids will grow up.

Your parents will die.

Your job will change.

Friends will come and go.

And the list goes on.

If you’ve been spared the kind of change that brings you to your knees, than this post isn’t for you.  But if you have, I want to offer you this hope.

Einstein once said that “you can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it. “  In other words, you have to be in a different place, think a different way,  in order to create a solution.

So, if the rug has been pulled out from under you, you’ve been given a HUGE opportunity to create something new.  Not just, tweak something here or there.  But to CONSCIOUSLY create what you REALLY, REALLY want.

When it’s all gone (or feels that way), you get to start over.  From scratch. 

And if you start to see it as an opportunity instead of a crisis, that new thinking will feel like being a little kid at Disneyland.  In other words, where do you want to start first?  How do you want to play today?

Everything can become fresh and exciting again.  Because with the old stuff all gone, you realize that you can CHOOSE what you want in it’s place.

And my friends, YOU are the Creator of your experience.

So what do you wish to choose, NOW?

I no longer want to wallow in what I’ve lost.  I no longer want to wallow about what “they” are saying about me or what “they” think.  I no longer want to feel sorry for myself or beat myself up for my “failure.”

Today I am choosing to acknowledge myself for creating these circumstances so that I could begin again.  I get to finally create a life on my terms.  I no longer give a shit  whether people think it’s silly, or that I’m this or that or the other thing.  That’s their crap.  I don’t want to fit in. 

And I am no longer playing small so that others will feel comfortable in my presence.

This is truly change I can believe in.

Look out, world.

Lisa

“The Resident Diva”

Today is my 21st wedding anniversary.  I’ve been blessed to have found a person I respect and admire to share my journey with.  He’s been my friend, first and foremost, and I believe that’s how we’ve been able to make this commitment work so successfully.  I’m humbled and honored that everyday for the past 21 years, along with the multitude of decisions he makes each day, among those choices is a commitment to me.

Thank you, Ken.  I love you.

A few months ago while Ken was out on the road  he called and asked me to download a song.  He told me that in the early 80’s while he was in the army, he discovered this song and decided that he would find his “somebody.”  The song was written in 1984 and in 1987, about 6 months after he left the army he met me. 

Thirty days before we met, I was preparing to go to a party and really took the time to look into my own eyes.  I decided then and there that I deserved better than what I had experienced in past relationships and I declared out loud what I wanted.  I was extremely specific, right down to a name.  I said, “Let him have a cool name like Ken or Jaime.

Hmm…..

I believe that you can have WHATEVER you want as long as you are clear and decisive.  Neither of us were attached to superficial things.  We were very clear on how we wanted to feel with the other person.  And I will admit, I’ve never had a day in 21 years that I didn’t have that feeling.

Do you know what YOU want?

Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it© 1984 Martin Lee Gore - Depeche Mode 

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” ~Bill Wilson

What person, place, thing or situation in your life can you accept NOW?

**This post is dedicated to CJ, whose writing and friendship are beautiful reminders that hiding is no longer an option.**

During my first class in coaching school, we were taken through a visualization exercise where we were supposed to meet up with our future self.    The point of the exercise was that my future self had something to share that would support me in my journey.

I won’t go into all the details of my visualization but two things have always stood out.  When I arrived at this future place in time, there were beings waiting for me in a circle.  I remember feeling overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of these beings–I could feel so much love and appreciation.  As I approached the circle, I began to make out faces.  These were people who were my champions or cheerleaders, if you will.  I could see my husband, daughter, my mother and father, and a few close friends.  I also saw people I didn’t expect to see, like a former boss and a relatively “new” friend.  I’ll never forget the look of love and appreciation in their eyes and the unconditional acceptance I felt in that circle.

I have since learned that there are more people cheering me on, loving and supporting me unconditionally than I had ever imagined.

The same goes for you.  You just have to be open to seeing it and letting go of the ways you believe their support should look like. 

The second thing I remember about the visualization is the gift my future self gave me. 

A key.

A very large key.   So large, it required two hands to hold it. 

When I asked what it meant, ‘I’ replied, “You know.”

And now, I do.

All along, I have held the key to freedom.  I have held the key to peace.   I have the key to ending all the suffering in my life.  Now.

The key?  Acceptance.

I can continue to wish that my financial situation were different.  I can continue to be angry at Paul for not loving me back.  I can continue to be outraged by the genocide in Darfur, the global food crisis or the price of gas.  I continue to berate myself for not being smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, good enough in any number of situations in my past.

And the suffering continues.

The key is to accept what is.  Right now. 

The truth is, I could not have made a different decision than wallowing in the shit Paul and I created.  I could not have made a different decision about my career, my finances, my business, than the ones I made at the time.  I couldn’t have chosen to not hurt someone feelings or not to have the all-too-frequent temper tantrums of my past. 

You see, the person I was at those moments was only capable of making the decision that was made.  Everything I had learned and believed at that time translated into my behaviors and actions.  (The same goes for those around you.  They, too, are only making the decisions they are capable of at that moment.)

Change the input-thoughts and beliefs-you change the action.  This my friend, is how we grow. 

Moment-to-moment.  Choice-by-choice.

Where ever you are today, is EXACTLY where you should be.  Accept it.  Whatever has happened in your past, accept it.  Whatever “they’ve” done to you, accept it.   You can’t have peace until you do.

I invite you to make a decision with me, right now, to end your suffering. 

• stop comparing yourself to others
• stop regretting your past
• stop wishing people (circumstances, etc.) were different
• stop believing that you are anything but whole and complete NOW.

Only you can stop your suffering.

I’ve offered you the key. 

Will you take it?

“Which would you rather have, Lisa?  To be right or have peace?”

I remember the 1st time a coach asked me that question.  I laughed aloud. 

DUH.

To be right, stupid.  Of course.

As my corporate job continued it’s life-sucking drain,  I remember standing on the curb many evenings waiting for my husband and thinking, “I just want peace.”

Back then, I believed the only way I was going to have it was to quit or die.  And trust me, I was much closer to choosing death than walking out the door on my own.

Long before my career turned into a nightmare, I was fascinated by the concept of “peace.”  World peace.  Divine peace. Inner peace.   It all sounded good.   But if you are anything like me, you may secretly believe that it’s not really attainable…at least not in our lifetime.

But, in my quest to be “right”, I refused to accept that I could not find peace for myself.   I kept looking, ’cause by God, I was going to prove that at least I could have it.  I have been amazed, however, by the way I have found it.

For “fun”,  I watch Christian televison with my daughter.  I don’t mean to mock anyone here, but I left organized religion behind some years ago.  Since I live in Republican/conservative Christian territory, I am constantly around people who have a deep belief in Jesus and Christianity as the only path to God.

So I watch Christian TV to “train” myself to be open-minded and tolerant of beliefs that run counter to my own.

This experiment has had mixed results..at best.  Until today.  Ironically during a show called, “Breakthrough.”  (You have to love the Universe’s sense of humor.)

At the beginning of the show, the pastor was ranting and raving about a bill in Congress that may require networks to show differing points of view.  He asked, “How would you feel if I had to share the stage with a Muslim cleric or someone from Planned Parenthood?..”  As he spoke, you could see his absolute, ferverent belief that such a thing would lead to our destruction..blah, blah, blah.   He was trying to convince viewers that if they were given access to an alternative point of view, America as we know it, would fall into ruin.

I just sat there.  And laughed.  

And then I got up and offered a silent blessing.  And actually meant it.

You see, that’s what he believes.  And he would die for that belief.  And today, I realized that I could get myself all in a tizzy about what I see as his fear, intolerance or just plain stupidity or..hmm..I could choose to honor his belief and choose to be a peace.

It was eye-opening and HA! and major “breakthrough.”

Everyday we encounter people who don’t see the world as we do.  Because they see thru different filters, they have developed different beliefs.  And those beliefs, even the ones others may deem as “destructive” or “evil” some how, in some way, are serving that person.

And they serve you and me, too.

Because each time we are confronted with an opposing point of view, we get the opportunity to choose.  Do I want to be right?  Or do I want to feel peace?

Arguing and trying to convince the other person doesn’t make you feel good.  Self-righteous.  Yes.   But really, do you feel good in your spirit after “winning” an argument?

I learned today that I could honor his belief and choose to honor myself by making the choice to smile, bless him, and find my peaceful place.   There really is no “right” or “wrong,” my friends.  It’s all in your perception.  I get that now.

So today, I invite you to join with me in choosing peace.  Instead of vehemently defending your position with someone, say, “Hmm…I see your point.  Thank you for giving me a different perspective.”  And really mean it.

Practiced enough, I guarantee that you’ll experience something that feels so good, your arguing days will become a thing of the past. 

It begins with one step.  A commitment to choose PEACE above all else.

Are you with me?

Let’s choose PEACE.

A couple of days ago, I was contacted by a potential client who mentioned that she’d looked me up on the web and found my blog.

I was shocked at my reaction.

This blog?  You mean, Lisa-Unmasked?  OMG. 

I was mortified.

And then, I had to laugh at myself.

As you know, I don’t keep this blog for business reasons nor do I expect anyone to actually read it.  I am flattered that people do and I love the feedback.

But I write this blog to honor myself.  For far too long, I have lived in fear of what others thought.  While that didn’t stop me from opening my mouth, the fear made me question my worth and even my right, to speak candidly and express how a situation appeared to me or made me feel.

I write this this blog to honor the part of me that refused to die, even when I and so many others, tried to kill her.

So, my reaction to this woman “finding” me was surprising.  And then, pretty damned funny.

In some way, I am still hiding.  Still afraid of what others will think or how they’ll react by seeing me–raw and naked.  Lisa-Unmasked isn’t meant to be “pretty” or “perfect.”  It’s meant to be ALL me.

And there I was, frightened that someone I didn’t know had found me.   Seen me.

HA!

After I stopped laughing at my reaction, I stopped for a minute and honored that part of me that is still afraid of being out here.  I spoke to her like a little girl who is afraid of the dark or of monsters in her closet.   And together, we turned on the lights and discovered, there is nothing to fear when we are true to ourselves.  When we let the world see us- when we see ourselves - perfect in our imperfections, then we no longer show up “less than” in order to make someone else feel better in our presence.  When we like “us”, it stops mattering if “they” like us.

Loving yourself, anyway, is the greatest gift you can give yourself…and the world.  For when we can love ourselves completely, we can allow others to be who they are and love them..anyway..just as they are.

And do you think that might contribute to peace on earth?? 

Oh, by the way….she hired me.

One of the biggest challenges in this journey of rebuilding my belief system, was learning that right and wrong are subjective.  We often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” however I have come to learn that everything we see and therefore judge, really stems from one’s limited perspective. 

In my diversity work, I used to refer to it as filter or lenses.  You know how two people can observe the same thing, yet report back two very different stories?  Their brains have processed what they saw based on many experiences.  And since no 2 people have the same set of experiences, doesn’t it stand to reason that maybe, those experiences “taint” the way they view things?

So the same could apply to “right” and “wrong.”  As Americans, we tend to think our way is the way.  Many people supported the Iraq war (and still do).  We thought we were ridding the world of an evil and freeing the Iraqi people.  But that “evil” turned out to be a stabilizing force in that region.  And the resulting insurgency certainly doesn’t seem to view Americans as saviors.  A favorite line in a James Bond movie, “one man’s terrorist in another man’s freedom fighter.”  Again, it all depends on the view through your lenses.

All that said, I have begun to apply these ideas to people that have deeply hurt me.  As my evolution continues, I know that everything that had transpired was a part of our soul agreement.  Yes, I’m saying,  I asked to be treated badly.

I’ve learned to stop and ask, “what do I need to learn from this?” or “why did I bring this experience here?  what was I hoping to learn?”   These are never easy questions to ask when you’re in pain.  I get that.  But blame has left me powerless because I get to be the victim.  I get to tell the story over and over again about how so and so treated me badly.

So as I was making my morning coffee, the words came to me, “I release the need to make you wrong for the choices you’ve made in our relationship.” Suddenly, I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me and then an incredible lightness.  It was as if the heaviness in my heart pulled up anchor and floated away.  I was free.

What if today, instead of being right, you chose to be free?  What if you chose peace over victimhood?  What if you chose to love that person…anyway?

Free yourself.  As my friend and mentor, Jenny, would say, “i triple dog dare you!”

I was talking to a colleague in California yesterday who told me she’d just paid over $4/gal to fill up her car. 

Wow.

She then began relating a story to me that she’d read that people are beginning to sell possessions in order to buy gas and groceries for their families.

Wow.

I’ve never been interested in politics because one of my core values is AUTHENTICITY.   At least in our country, you can’t be authentic and be a successful politician.

But the drama of the last 8 years unfolded as my spiritual walk took a major detour.  I’ve challenged everything I thought to be true about myself and the world, left my job, lost material “security” and several “friends,” to find myself in a space that is more loving, more kind, more AUTHENTIC than I ever imagined. 

Trust me, all of those “losses” could have stopped me dead in my tracks.   And many times, they did.   But I never lost sight of the dream that I could love myself unconditionally, NO MATTER WHAT.

I’m not 100% there and maybe that’s too much to ask for 1 lifetime.  I won’t dare declare, “Mission: Accomplished.”

Which leads me back to the current state of affairs in the US.  

This isn’t a freakin’ election about abortion, gay marriage, Jeremiah Wright, black, white or whatever. 

It’s about our future.  It’s about our children.  It’s about taking steps towards actualizing the potential in ALL of us.

And yes, that means facing up to the fact that even in “the land of the free and the home of the brave, ” EQUAL access to opportunities does not exist. 

It’s about accepting the brutality our country has inflicted on our own citizens as well as people around the world along with shining our brilliance more brightly.

We’ve done a lot of things that have lifted up humanity.  And many things that haven’t.

It’s time to stop wrapping ourselves up in the flag and hiding behind beliefs that someone else handed you (and you readily accept) and be of SERVICE.   It’s time to stop judging and condemning and claiming superiority.  It’s time to realize that we have a responsibility to EACH OTHER.  

And the only way I know how to do that, is to start with YOU.  When you stop making yourself “wrong”, when you stop condemning yourself for all the things you did or didn’t do, when you stop believing that when you lose weight, or have a better job, or get bigger boobs or less wrinkles, or more money or whatever it is you use to make yourself feel less than, THEN we can move toward healing our country and our world.

This isn’t about Jeremiah Wright, or the war on terror or whose God is bigger and badder.

It’s about YOU deciding to become your own source of light and love.  And when you do that, the compassion that you have for yourself, will fill you up and overflow and naturally make the world a better place.  Because you’ll be choosing from LOVE, not fear.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Choosing from fear will continue this cycle in ways I’m too afraid to imagine.

Don’t let yourself become distracted. 

The world needs you.