Today is my best friend’s birthday.

Although today we are celebrating her “arrival”, for several months we have commiserated about the challenges of living on the planet. Both of us contemplated suicide in our younger years, so death is not a conversation we avoid. In fact, we have somewhat of pact for our afterlife. If we indeed get to choose to reincarnate, we have promised each other that we would pull the other out of the line, “Sign up here to return to Earth.”

You gotta love friends like that.

This morning we laughed about her “following” me here (My birthday was last month) and how grateful I was that she made the brave choice to come after me.

You see, she has been one of the few people who has stood by me over the past few years as my former life fell apart. I have her phone # memorized (who needs speed dial??) and when I call, we can talk for HOURS. She reaches out to me when she is creatively stuck. (She’s a gifted graphic designer, so that’s pretty fun when you consider that I can’t draw a stick figure). We laugh together, cry together, create together, and always see the best in each other.

The most amazing thing about our friendship? We have never met face to face.

She lives on the coast of Oregon and about 5 years ago, I stumbled on her website. To this day, I have no idea how I found her.

But more than her portfolio spoke to me. You could see that she had the capacity to love deeply. You could see the joy she derived from creating something beautiful. Once we spoke on the phone, her amazing intuitive nature came through as well as her crazy sense of humor. She understood coaching (and is a pretty gifted one as well) and was really curious about my diversity work. (Even now, we continue to have LOTS of conversations about race, class, and politics).

She designed a beautiful logo for me that really captured my vision. I knew that I would always highly recommend her to others and that I would return to her for other design needs (Bless her heart–she’s done 1000 website designs for me!) but I never imagined that she would become the rock upon which I would lean, the shoulder I would spend countless hours crying on, in what has become the darkest period of my life.

And because of my dear, Susan, I know that there HAS to be a God(dess). It is because of her, I can see the best, the potential in humanity. And the reason that I still have hope.

Thank you, Susan. And Happy Birthday!

I am so lucky to have friends in high places.

One of the greatest blessings I received when I left my corporate career in 2005, was KNOWING that I had made in difference in the lives of many people.

I don’t say that to stroke my ego. Time and time again, I would hear it, but my last day in the office, I KNEW it.

I realized then that many people live their lives not ever really knowing deep down whether or not their lives had meaning or actually MATTERED.

Trust me…your life has meaning.

YOU matter. YOU have made a difference. Probably in ways you don’t even realize.

This weekend, I spent hours feeling sorry for myself. I was visiting my hubby who works out of town and only comes home on the weekend. This weekend, however, he was on mandatory overtime, working 15 1/2 hours on Saturday and another 12 today. I was sad because this was not the “dream” I had for my life at 44. I was sad because I have few friends, sad because so many people I have loved did not feel the same, sad because I believe I have so little to show for the time I have spent on this planet.

Pathetic, I know. But honest.

And then I opened my email to a blog comment that left me stunned. SOMEONE had actually missed my writing. Huh?? My little private blog, the blog I put up for my own healing, was being read and appreciated and now missed.

I was stunned.

I have heard from many people that something about the way I write feels good to them. I’m flattered, but frankly, I don’t really believe them. (How rude of me to call them a liar, huh?) I write to keep from losing my mind. I write because when I don’t, I feel like I may actually explode.

It floors me that it could provide value to someone else. (And thank you Cynthia, for your loving gesture.)

I had forgotten this one gem: When you SHOW up, miracles happen for yourself and others.

So, I am back. And I will keep writing.

Because, writing soothes my soul and helps me reconnect to the part of me that only speaks truth.

That part that knows we are all connected.

That part of me that knows that in my healing, I contribute to the healing of others.

I will keep writing because YOU matter and I am grateful that you have touched my life.

Thank you.

With much love & gratitude,

Lisa