LOTS of things have happened since my last post.  Shifts that require a book to share, but suffice it to say, “I’m growing!”

I’m embarking on a 30 day journey in which I have committed to listening to my inner wisdom each day AND taking the action that wisdom requests.  I’ve been hit and miss with this stuff in the past because the action that often seems to come out of such meditation didn’t make sense or seem to be leading to what I really wanted.

The 30 day challenge my coach put before me is to let go of listening to Spirit for the sake of getting what I want.  The exercise, ultimately, will show me the way to actively seeking Spirit for no other reason than “I want to–above all else.”

Well, I want God to do what I want.  If most religious people were honest with themselves, they “follow” God out of fear.   Not all, mind you, but at least the majority of people I know.

If you took away the fear of hell, fire and damnation, the fear that you won’t be “blessed” or your family won’t be “protected”,  would you still choose to “follow”?

The answer for me was NO.

It’s been an arduous 10 year journey in reconstructing my belief system and seeing the Divine in a new light.  Indeed, if this Higher Power existed, I wanted to know and experience IT, without fear of what would happen if I chose otherwise.

Just 7 days into this 30 day “experiment”, I am learning something different..about myself and Spirit.   What I’ve known intellectually for 10 years is now, very slowly, becoming my experience.

And that is..we are One.

Words cannot do justice to the feelings I have experienced in the moments where this becomes my “reality”.  A joy, peace, BLISSFULNESS, comes over me.  I “see” everything with love and appreciation.  Nothing is “wrong.”  When I look thru Spirit’s eyes, I see perfection in people and circumstances.  It’s mind-blowing.

My heart is so open.  I feel like I could hug everyone I meet.  I “know” that everything is happening as it should be and the outcome is assured.

Heaven IS in those moments.

I wish I could say that those moments last.  They don’t.  My humanness kicks in and I get cranky about something and start complaining.   I go into fear and wonder how I am going to make another week with my husband so far away…etc.

But now, I have “Heaven” to go to.  To remember.  To recreate.  And I am choosing to do so, more and more, and more.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I AM Growing.

Yesterday, February 11, 2009, marked the 6th anniversary of the passing of Thomas Leonard.  For you non-coaches, Thomas Leonard is often referred to as “the Father of coaching.”  Those who knew him were greatly moved by his work and his presence.  When you meet someone who actually knew and worked with him, you can still feel the tremendous sense of loss that they feel.   It’s quite moving.

The aftermath of Thomas’ death was quite dramatic.  The players involved all have their own healing journeys to tell, but I can tell you, for a while it was ugly.  People were choosing sides and you definitely weren’t “feeling the love”.  Thankfully, that’s all changed and the industry has come together in new, empowering ways.  It’s a PERFECT time to be a coach!

I didn’t know Thomas.  His death occurred a year before I would begin coach training.  In February 2003, I was experiencing my own pain, trying to resolve the conflict of finally doing work that I LOVED with that fact that the company I worked for wasn’t really serious about implementing anything I was pouring my heart and soul into.  A few short months later, I would make the decision to leave in 18-24 months.

But February 11 does hold great significance for me.  In 1999, it was the day I would see Paul for the 1st and (so far) only time since graduation.  The emotional impact of that meeting sent me into a tailspin and would bring me face-to-face with Spirit.

Later that day, God/dess would speak so clearly, it would change the course of my life.  I saw a version of myself I never knew:  confident, trusting, open and accepting. She was beautiful.  And I knew I had to get to know her.

As they say..be careful what you ask for.

That version of me has gone thru quite a process to emerge.  In a sense, the old me died on February 11, 1999.  Everything I thought I was, my entire belief system was gone.  POOF.  The moment I decided to step into a grander version of myself, death was instaneous.

As I marked 10 years since that day, I can say that every stage of the journey has been a gift.  Not easy..but truly a gift.  As I choose more and more moments to walk in step with Spirit, I can embrace the path I have traveled.  I know each choice was perfect. Not only my own choices, but also the choices of each and every person who shared some part of that journey with me.  I am able to release judgment and regret and feel gratitude and peace for my life and every part of it.

I believe that wherever Thomas Leonard is, he knows peace as well.  His life and his work made it possible for me to have the tools to live my life with peace and help others do the same.  What a legacy to leave.

Thank you, Thomas.

Friday I got fired.

After a year and a half of doing work I absolutely hated (with a client I adored), I made a mistake and it cost me 90% of my income.

Her decision did not come as a shock.  In fact, not 2 hours before it happened, I told my mastermind group that it would.  And the night before, when the incident happened, I said, “I’m done.”

Of course, that didn’t make it any easier to hear.  Yet I know, the pain I have been processing is my ego acting out in fear.  “What now?”

The truth is…it’s the best thing that could I happened.

Today, for the first time in a very long time, I felt compelled to blog. I mean, I just had to share. Writing gives me a peace that is hard to describe.  Yet I had stopped doing it because I was too busy.

Today, I woke up with a sense of possibility. Not dread.  Not overwhelm.  P-O-S-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

Today, I gave thanks (genuine, feel-it-in-my-bones, thanks) for my life and everything in it.

In other words, I realized that I am happy the shit is over.

The work I was doing was not inspiring.  I did not jump out of bed every day with anticipation to do it.  It was over my head, way beyond my capabilities and just plain, frustrating.

I never pretended to excel at administrative work.  Yet, when people actually started paying for it, I just went with it.  I was honest…I told them my background.  Invariably, I would always make a mistake or miss a deadline and yet they would stay and keep paying.

So, I just kept trying harder.  Taking more classes.  If I knew more, I’d get better, right?

Sound familiar?

I, like many people who still work in Corporate America, was pouring time, energy and money into my WEAKNESSES,  instead of my STRENGTHS.

I am a COACH.  And a damn good one.

I can help you move from where you are, to where you want to be in POWERFUL ways.

I see YOUR greatness even when you can’t.  I am your biggest fan, until you become your own.

THAT’S what I am good at.  THAT’S who I “be”–without effort or struggle.  It’s my natural state.  And Friday, I was given the gift of time and space to reconnect with that gift and decide how I want to be of service in the world.

Getting fired was…The BEST THING EVER.