Tonight, I watched with tears in my eyes as Barack Obama accepted his party’s nomination for president.  

I cried for a lot of reasons.  But mostly because on the 45th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. ’s famous “I have a dream” speech, a man of color, a bi-racial man at that, has a real chance at occupying our nation’s highest office.

There was a time in his lifetime, that people who looked like him were denied the right to vote.  That children who look like his daughters were educated in segregated schools.  That people who looked like him had to ride in the back of the bus.  

Tonight I watched the dreams of my grandmother, who marched with Dr. King in Alabama, come to fruition.  I saw the dream that my mother, a politician in her own right, come to pass.  I saw the hope my daddy held in his heart, for a country that still doesn’t live up to it’s ideals, pay off.

With Senator Obama’s nomination, I realized that the fears my parents and grandparents had living as black people in this country, never put their dreams to sleep.

As I sat and watched Stevie Wonder sing, I could feel my mother, father and grandmother’s spirits.  Their strength, their love, their hope, surrounded me.  Not only because of this historic moment, but as a reminder that although I may be afraid, so afraid that I cannot access my dreams today, that the dreams I had for my life cannot be put to sleep by that fear.  And to help me decide that tonight was the night for me to start dreaming again.

Tonight was a reminder to us all, that dreams, especially the unlikely ones, can come true.

Dream BIG and Live More BOLDLY!

Lisa

“You were on a pedestal, so to speak, and you’ve fallen from grace.”

I never imagined the long-term impact those words would have on me because the night I heard them uttered by the man I loved, I simply wanted to die.

And on two separate occasions, I would attempt to take my own life, because the pain of losing him was more than I could bear.

When I decided that I could go on, those words had already become deeply rooted in my psyche.  I would spend the next 20+ years of my life, trying to reclaim my place.  It turns out that it wasn’t as much in his eyes, as it was my own.

In the moment that I let everything he said to me that night become my truth, I gave away my power.

Because I saw myself as the “fallen one”, I would spend years trying to prove my worth to others.

I needed their approval because I didn’t have his.

Truth was, however, that I didn’t approve of myself. 

How many of us are hung up about what we didn’t get from another person?

How many of us use our past as an excuse for why we don’t have the life we want?

How long do we have to play victim, wallow in what “they” did to us, blame our parents, our weight, our bosses, our gender or race?

When will we stop the madness?

Every time we look outside of ourselves for acceptance and approval, we have given away our power.

I left my power on the porch of Delo hall in 1985 when I told myself the story that I was nothing because he didn’t love me. 

And for over 20 years I would attract people and circumstances to support my belief of unworthiness because my power still rested in his acceptance and approval.

It didn’t matter that I had a loving life partner and beautiful daughter.

It didn’t matter that I was surrounded by great friends.

My internal story was that I was unworthy, unlovable and simply didn’t matter.

Take at look at your internal story. 

What’s happened in your past that still holds your power?  What person or circumstance are you giving your energy and attention to that no longer serves you?  What story or stories do you have running over and over again that keep you small and safe?

Reclaim your power.

It starts with a choice.  You can choose to use your power to create the life you dream of or you can continue to give it away.

It’s always your choice.

I only wish that at 20, I knew that it was this easy.  But I do now.

You don’t have to wait 20 years.  Or another second.

Reclaim your POWER…NOW.

Live More Boldly,

Lisa

In two days, I will finally walk away from my former life in another city.  I started this blog as a way to begin to heal from the painful process of letting go of everything I’d spent years building.  I’ve cried more tears, cursed “god” numerous times, and filled 3 full journals, so that I could come to grips with letting go.

In the kitchen the other night as I was thinking about the upcoming election,  I remembered Barack Obama’s campaign slogan:  “Change you can believe in.”

We don’t like change.  Most of us go out of our way to avoid it.  But, let’s face it, it’s the ONLY thing that’s constant.  You won’t always like it nor do you have to.  But it’s truly unavoidable.

Your kids will grow up.

Your parents will die.

Your job will change.

Friends will come and go.

And the list goes on.

If you’ve been spared the kind of change that brings you to your knees, than this post isn’t for you.  But if you have, I want to offer you this hope.

Einstein once said that “you can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it. “  In other words, you have to be in a different place, think a different way,  in order to create a solution.

So, if the rug has been pulled out from under you, you’ve been given a HUGE opportunity to create something new.  Not just, tweak something here or there.  But to CONSCIOUSLY create what you REALLY, REALLY want.

When it’s all gone (or feels that way), you get to start over.  From scratch. 

And if you start to see it as an opportunity instead of a crisis, that new thinking will feel like being a little kid at Disneyland.  In other words, where do you want to start first?  How do you want to play today?

Everything can become fresh and exciting again.  Because with the old stuff all gone, you realize that you can CHOOSE what you want in it’s place.

And my friends, YOU are the Creator of your experience.

So what do you wish to choose, NOW?

I no longer want to wallow in what I’ve lost.  I no longer want to wallow about what “they” are saying about me or what “they” think.  I no longer want to feel sorry for myself or beat myself up for my “failure.”

Today I am choosing to acknowledge myself for creating these circumstances so that I could begin again.  I get to finally create a life on my terms.  I no longer give a shit  whether people think it’s silly, or that I’m this or that or the other thing.  That’s their crap.  I don’t want to fit in. 

And I am no longer playing small so that others will feel comfortable in my presence.

This is truly change I can believe in.

Look out, world.

Lisa

“The Resident Diva”