Today is my 21st wedding anniversary.  I’ve been blessed to have found a person I respect and admire to share my journey with.  He’s been my friend, first and foremost, and I believe that’s how we’ve been able to make this commitment work so successfully.  I’m humbled and honored that everyday for the past 21 years, along with the multitude of decisions he makes each day, among those choices is a commitment to me.

Thank you, Ken.  I love you.

A few months ago while Ken was out on the road  he called and asked me to download a song.  He told me that in the early 80’s while he was in the army, he discovered this song and decided that he would find his “somebody.”  The song was written in 1984 and in 1987, about 6 months after he left the army he met me. 

Thirty days before we met, I was preparing to go to a party and really took the time to look into my own eyes.  I decided then and there that I deserved better than what I had experienced in past relationships and I declared out loud what I wanted.  I was extremely specific, right down to a name.  I said, “Let him have a cool name like Ken or Jaime.

Hmm…..

I believe that you can have WHATEVER you want as long as you are clear and decisive.  Neither of us were attached to superficial things.  We were very clear on how we wanted to feel with the other person.  And I will admit, I’ve never had a day in 21 years that I didn’t have that feeling.

Do you know what YOU want?

Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it© 1984 Martin Lee Gore - Depeche Mode 

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” ~Bill Wilson

What person, place, thing or situation in your life can you accept NOW?

**This post is dedicated to CJ, whose writing and friendship are beautiful reminders that hiding is no longer an option.**

During my first class in coaching school, we were taken through a visualization exercise where we were supposed to meet up with our future self.    The point of the exercise was that my future self had something to share that would support me in my journey.

I won’t go into all the details of my visualization but two things have always stood out.  When I arrived at this future place in time, there were beings waiting for me in a circle.  I remember feeling overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of these beings–I could feel so much love and appreciation.  As I approached the circle, I began to make out faces.  These were people who were my champions or cheerleaders, if you will.  I could see my husband, daughter, my mother and father, and a few close friends.  I also saw people I didn’t expect to see, like a former boss and a relatively “new” friend.  I’ll never forget the look of love and appreciation in their eyes and the unconditional acceptance I felt in that circle.

I have since learned that there are more people cheering me on, loving and supporting me unconditionally than I had ever imagined.

The same goes for you.  You just have to be open to seeing it and letting go of the ways you believe their support should look like. 

The second thing I remember about the visualization is the gift my future self gave me. 

A key.

A very large key.   So large, it required two hands to hold it. 

When I asked what it meant, ‘I’ replied, “You know.”

And now, I do.

All along, I have held the key to freedom.  I have held the key to peace.   I have the key to ending all the suffering in my life.  Now.

The key?  Acceptance.

I can continue to wish that my financial situation were different.  I can continue to be angry at Paul for not loving me back.  I can continue to be outraged by the genocide in Darfur, the global food crisis or the price of gas.  I continue to berate myself for not being smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, good enough in any number of situations in my past.

And the suffering continues.

The key is to accept what is.  Right now. 

The truth is, I could not have made a different decision than wallowing in the shit Paul and I created.  I could not have made a different decision about my career, my finances, my business, than the ones I made at the time.  I couldn’t have chosen to not hurt someone feelings or not to have the all-too-frequent temper tantrums of my past. 

You see, the person I was at those moments was only capable of making the decision that was made.  Everything I had learned and believed at that time translated into my behaviors and actions.  (The same goes for those around you.  They, too, are only making the decisions they are capable of at that moment.)

Change the input-thoughts and beliefs-you change the action.  This my friend, is how we grow. 

Moment-to-moment.  Choice-by-choice.

Where ever you are today, is EXACTLY where you should be.  Accept it.  Whatever has happened in your past, accept it.  Whatever “they’ve” done to you, accept it.   You can’t have peace until you do.

I invite you to make a decision with me, right now, to end your suffering. 

• stop comparing yourself to others
• stop regretting your past
• stop wishing people (circumstances, etc.) were different
• stop believing that you are anything but whole and complete NOW.

Only you can stop your suffering.

I’ve offered you the key. 

Will you take it?

“Which would you rather have, Lisa?  To be right or have peace?”

I remember the 1st time a coach asked me that question.  I laughed aloud. 

DUH.

To be right, stupid.  Of course.

As my corporate job continued it’s life-sucking drain,  I remember standing on the curb many evenings waiting for my husband and thinking, “I just want peace.”

Back then, I believed the only way I was going to have it was to quit or die.  And trust me, I was much closer to choosing death than walking out the door on my own.

Long before my career turned into a nightmare, I was fascinated by the concept of “peace.”  World peace.  Divine peace. Inner peace.   It all sounded good.   But if you are anything like me, you may secretly believe that it’s not really attainable…at least not in our lifetime.

But, in my quest to be “right”, I refused to accept that I could not find peace for myself.   I kept looking, ’cause by God, I was going to prove that at least I could have it.  I have been amazed, however, by the way I have found it.

For “fun”,  I watch Christian televison with my daughter.  I don’t mean to mock anyone here, but I left organized religion behind some years ago.  Since I live in Republican/conservative Christian territory, I am constantly around people who have a deep belief in Jesus and Christianity as the only path to God.

So I watch Christian TV to “train” myself to be open-minded and tolerant of beliefs that run counter to my own.

This experiment has had mixed results..at best.  Until today.  Ironically during a show called, “Breakthrough.”  (You have to love the Universe’s sense of humor.)

At the beginning of the show, the pastor was ranting and raving about a bill in Congress that may require networks to show differing points of view.  He asked, “How would you feel if I had to share the stage with a Muslim cleric or someone from Planned Parenthood?..”  As he spoke, you could see his absolute, ferverent belief that such a thing would lead to our destruction..blah, blah, blah.   He was trying to convince viewers that if they were given access to an alternative point of view, America as we know it, would fall into ruin.

I just sat there.  And laughed.  

And then I got up and offered a silent blessing.  And actually meant it.

You see, that’s what he believes.  And he would die for that belief.  And today, I realized that I could get myself all in a tizzy about what I see as his fear, intolerance or just plain stupidity or..hmm..I could choose to honor his belief and choose to be a peace.

It was eye-opening and HA! and major “breakthrough.”

Everyday we encounter people who don’t see the world as we do.  Because they see thru different filters, they have developed different beliefs.  And those beliefs, even the ones others may deem as “destructive” or “evil” some how, in some way, are serving that person.

And they serve you and me, too.

Because each time we are confronted with an opposing point of view, we get the opportunity to choose.  Do I want to be right?  Or do I want to feel peace?

Arguing and trying to convince the other person doesn’t make you feel good.  Self-righteous.  Yes.   But really, do you feel good in your spirit after “winning” an argument?

I learned today that I could honor his belief and choose to honor myself by making the choice to smile, bless him, and find my peaceful place.   There really is no “right” or “wrong,” my friends.  It’s all in your perception.  I get that now.

So today, I invite you to join with me in choosing peace.  Instead of vehemently defending your position with someone, say, “Hmm…I see your point.  Thank you for giving me a different perspective.”  And really mean it.

Practiced enough, I guarantee that you’ll experience something that feels so good, your arguing days will become a thing of the past. 

It begins with one step.  A commitment to choose PEACE above all else.

Are you with me?

Let’s choose PEACE.