One of the biggest challenges in this journey of rebuilding my belief system, was learning that right and wrong are subjective.  We often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” however I have come to learn that everything we see and therefore judge, really stems from one’s limited perspective. 

In my diversity work, I used to refer to it as filter or lenses.  You know how two people can observe the same thing, yet report back two very different stories?  Their brains have processed what they saw based on many experiences.  And since no 2 people have the same set of experiences, doesn’t it stand to reason that maybe, those experiences “taint” the way they view things?

So the same could apply to “right” and “wrong.”  As Americans, we tend to think our way is the way.  Many people supported the Iraq war (and still do).  We thought we were ridding the world of an evil and freeing the Iraqi people.  But that “evil” turned out to be a stabilizing force in that region.  And the resulting insurgency certainly doesn’t seem to view Americans as saviors.  A favorite line in a James Bond movie, “one man’s terrorist in another man’s freedom fighter.”  Again, it all depends on the view through your lenses.

All that said, I have begun to apply these ideas to people that have deeply hurt me.  As my evolution continues, I know that everything that had transpired was a part of our soul agreement.  Yes, I’m saying,  I asked to be treated badly.

I’ve learned to stop and ask, “what do I need to learn from this?” or “why did I bring this experience here?  what was I hoping to learn?”   These are never easy questions to ask when you’re in pain.  I get that.  But blame has left me powerless because I get to be the victim.  I get to tell the story over and over again about how so and so treated me badly.

So as I was making my morning coffee, the words came to me, “I release the need to make you wrong for the choices you’ve made in our relationship.” Suddenly, I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me and then an incredible lightness.  It was as if the heaviness in my heart pulled up anchor and floated away.  I was free.

What if today, instead of being right, you chose to be free?  What if you chose peace over victimhood?  What if you chose to love that person…anyway?

Free yourself.  As my friend and mentor, Jenny, would say, “i triple dog dare you!”

I’m always fascinated at our culture’s seeming need to set aside a special day to recognize something or someone.  I really believe in acknowledgment, but I wonder sometimes about the other 364 days of the year. 

Today is Mother’s Day in the US and Canada and while I appreciate the warm wishes from friends and family, I long for the day that people are acknowledged and celebrated, not just for the roles or titles, but simply for who they ARE.  And that won’t require a special day, deep discounted prices, or anything other than a heartfelt “thank you.”

Even though a day has rarely passed that I don’t give thanks for my husband and daughter, I felt like I just wanted to write about it.

To my daughter, Olivia:

From the moment I knew of your presence, I really began to celebrate the gift of being a woman.  As I watched your father’s excitement grow along with my belly, I was sad that he could not experience the miracle of carrying you.  

For 40 weeks, it was you and me.  We shared everything, kiddo.  I knew that my mood, my energy, what I ate affected you.  And you never missed an opportunity to communciate your displeasure, even then. :)   

It was a time that I learned to believe in magic and miracles again.  You brought a smile to my face when I didn’t think I’d ever smile again.  And you’re still doing it, 17 years later.

I am honored and forever grateful that you chose me to be your mommy.

To my dear, sweet Ken:

I remember sitting next to a woman at work a few weeks before we got married.  She was pregnant with her first child and said to me, “there is nothing in the world like carrying the child of the man you love.”

I remember thinking how hokey that sounded and even for a softie like me, it was too much.  There was nothing remotely attractive or beautiful to me about being pregnant.

But then we found out about  our “boo” 3 1/2 years later.  And one night, you rolled over and kissed my belly and I remember that woman’s words.  And she was right.

Becoming a mother has been the most beautiful gift I’ve ever been given.  Thank you for chosing me to bring your child into the world and for allowing me to mother her in my own way.  I know you haven’t always agreed with my approach, but you never asked me to be anyone else…ever.   I’m honored to be your ”best bud” and your baby mama.

 Love you both.

I was talking to a colleague in California yesterday who told me she’d just paid over $4/gal to fill up her car. 

Wow.

She then began relating a story to me that she’d read that people are beginning to sell possessions in order to buy gas and groceries for their families.

Wow.

I’ve never been interested in politics because one of my core values is AUTHENTICITY.   At least in our country, you can’t be authentic and be a successful politician.

But the drama of the last 8 years unfolded as my spiritual walk took a major detour.  I’ve challenged everything I thought to be true about myself and the world, left my job, lost material “security” and several “friends,” to find myself in a space that is more loving, more kind, more AUTHENTIC than I ever imagined. 

Trust me, all of those “losses” could have stopped me dead in my tracks.   And many times, they did.   But I never lost sight of the dream that I could love myself unconditionally, NO MATTER WHAT.

I’m not 100% there and maybe that’s too much to ask for 1 lifetime.  I won’t dare declare, “Mission: Accomplished.”

Which leads me back to the current state of affairs in the US.  

This isn’t a freakin’ election about abortion, gay marriage, Jeremiah Wright, black, white or whatever. 

It’s about our future.  It’s about our children.  It’s about taking steps towards actualizing the potential in ALL of us.

And yes, that means facing up to the fact that even in “the land of the free and the home of the brave, ” EQUAL access to opportunities does not exist. 

It’s about accepting the brutality our country has inflicted on our own citizens as well as people around the world along with shining our brilliance more brightly.

We’ve done a lot of things that have lifted up humanity.  And many things that haven’t.

It’s time to stop wrapping ourselves up in the flag and hiding behind beliefs that someone else handed you (and you readily accept) and be of SERVICE.   It’s time to stop judging and condemning and claiming superiority.  It’s time to realize that we have a responsibility to EACH OTHER.  

And the only way I know how to do that, is to start with YOU.  When you stop making yourself “wrong”, when you stop condemning yourself for all the things you did or didn’t do, when you stop believing that when you lose weight, or have a better job, or get bigger boobs or less wrinkles, or more money or whatever it is you use to make yourself feel less than, THEN we can move toward healing our country and our world.

This isn’t about Jeremiah Wright, or the war on terror or whose God is bigger and badder.

It’s about YOU deciding to become your own source of light and love.  And when you do that, the compassion that you have for yourself, will fill you up and overflow and naturally make the world a better place.  Because you’ll be choosing from LOVE, not fear.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Choosing from fear will continue this cycle in ways I’m too afraid to imagine.

Don’t let yourself become distracted. 

The world needs you.