Today is my best friend’s birthday.

Although today we are celebrating her “arrival”, for several months we have commiserated about the challenges of living on the planet. Both of us contemplated suicide in our younger years, so death is not a conversation we avoid. In fact, we have somewhat of pact for our afterlife. If we indeed get to choose to reincarnate, we have promised each other that we would pull the other out of the line, “Sign up here to return to Earth.”

You gotta love friends like that.

This morning we laughed about her “following” me here (My birthday was last month) and how grateful I was that she made the brave choice to come after me.

You see, she has been one of the few people who has stood by me over the past few years as my former life fell apart. I have her phone # memorized (who needs speed dial??) and when I call, we can talk for HOURS. She reaches out to me when she is creatively stuck. (She’s a gifted graphic designer, so that’s pretty fun when you consider that I can’t draw a stick figure). We laugh together, cry together, create together, and always see the best in each other.

The most amazing thing about our friendship? We have never met face to face.

She lives on the coast of Oregon and about 5 years ago, I stumbled on her website. To this day, I have no idea how I found her.

But more than her portfolio spoke to me. You could see that she had the capacity to love deeply. You could see the joy she derived from creating something beautiful. Once we spoke on the phone, her amazing intuitive nature came through as well as her crazy sense of humor. She understood coaching (and is a pretty gifted one as well) and was really curious about my diversity work. (Even now, we continue to have LOTS of conversations about race, class, and politics).

She designed a beautiful logo for me that really captured my vision. I knew that I would always highly recommend her to others and that I would return to her for other design needs (Bless her heart–she’s done 1000 website designs for me!) but I never imagined that she would become the rock upon which I would lean, the shoulder I would spend countless hours crying on, in what has become the darkest period of my life.

And because of my dear, Susan, I know that there HAS to be a God(dess). It is because of her, I can see the best, the potential in humanity. And the reason that I still have hope.

Thank you, Susan. And Happy Birthday!

I am so lucky to have friends in high places.

One of the greatest blessings I received when I left my corporate career in 2005, was KNOWING that I had made in difference in the lives of many people.

I don’t say that to stroke my ego. Time and time again, I would hear it, but my last day in the office, I KNEW it.

I realized then that many people live their lives not ever really knowing deep down whether or not their lives had meaning or actually MATTERED.

Trust me…your life has meaning.

YOU matter. YOU have made a difference. Probably in ways you don’t even realize.

This weekend, I spent hours feeling sorry for myself. I was visiting my hubby who works out of town and only comes home on the weekend. This weekend, however, he was on mandatory overtime, working 15 1/2 hours on Saturday and another 12 today. I was sad because this was not the “dream” I had for my life at 44. I was sad because I have few friends, sad because so many people I have loved did not feel the same, sad because I believe I have so little to show for the time I have spent on this planet.

Pathetic, I know. But honest.

And then I opened my email to a blog comment that left me stunned. SOMEONE had actually missed my writing. Huh?? My little private blog, the blog I put up for my own healing, was being read and appreciated and now missed.

I was stunned.

I have heard from many people that something about the way I write feels good to them. I’m flattered, but frankly, I don’t really believe them. (How rude of me to call them a liar, huh?) I write to keep from losing my mind. I write because when I don’t, I feel like I may actually explode.

It floors me that it could provide value to someone else. (And thank you Cynthia, for your loving gesture.)

I had forgotten this one gem: When you SHOW up, miracles happen for yourself and others.

So, I am back. And I will keep writing.

Because, writing soothes my soul and helps me reconnect to the part of me that only speaks truth.

That part that knows we are all connected.

That part of me that knows that in my healing, I contribute to the healing of others.

I will keep writing because YOU matter and I am grateful that you have touched my life.

Thank you.

With much love & gratitude,

Lisa

LOTS of things have happened since my last post.  Shifts that require a book to share, but suffice it to say, “I’m growing!”

I’m embarking on a 30 day journey in which I have committed to listening to my inner wisdom each day AND taking the action that wisdom requests.  I’ve been hit and miss with this stuff in the past because the action that often seems to come out of such meditation didn’t make sense or seem to be leading to what I really wanted.

The 30 day challenge my coach put before me is to let go of listening to Spirit for the sake of getting what I want.  The exercise, ultimately, will show me the way to actively seeking Spirit for no other reason than “I want to–above all else.”

Well, I want God to do what I want.  If most religious people were honest with themselves, they “follow” God out of fear.   Not all, mind you, but at least the majority of people I know.

If you took away the fear of hell, fire and damnation, the fear that you won’t be “blessed” or your family won’t be “protected”,  would you still choose to “follow”?

The answer for me was NO.

It’s been an arduous 10 year journey in reconstructing my belief system and seeing the Divine in a new light.  Indeed, if this Higher Power existed, I wanted to know and experience IT, without fear of what would happen if I chose otherwise.

Just 7 days into this 30 day “experiment”, I am learning something different..about myself and Spirit.   What I’ve known intellectually for 10 years is now, very slowly, becoming my experience.

And that is..we are One.

Words cannot do justice to the feelings I have experienced in the moments where this becomes my “reality”.  A joy, peace, BLISSFULNESS, comes over me.  I “see” everything with love and appreciation.  Nothing is “wrong.”  When I look thru Spirit’s eyes, I see perfection in people and circumstances.  It’s mind-blowing.

My heart is so open.  I feel like I could hug everyone I meet.  I “know” that everything is happening as it should be and the outcome is assured.

Heaven IS in those moments.

I wish I could say that those moments last.  They don’t.  My humanness kicks in and I get cranky about something and start complaining.   I go into fear and wonder how I am going to make another week with my husband so far away…etc.

But now, I have “Heaven” to go to.  To remember.  To recreate.  And I am choosing to do so, more and more, and more.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I AM Growing.

Yesterday, February 11, 2009, marked the 6th anniversary of the passing of Thomas Leonard.  For you non-coaches, Thomas Leonard is often referred to as “the Father of coaching.”  Those who knew him were greatly moved by his work and his presence.  When you meet someone who actually knew and worked with him, you can still feel the tremendous sense of loss that they feel.   It’s quite moving.

The aftermath of Thomas’ death was quite dramatic.  The players involved all have their own healing journeys to tell, but I can tell you, for a while it was ugly.  People were choosing sides and you definitely weren’t “feeling the love”.  Thankfully, that’s all changed and the industry has come together in new, empowering ways.  It’s a PERFECT time to be a coach!

I didn’t know Thomas.  His death occurred a year before I would begin coach training.  In February 2003, I was experiencing my own pain, trying to resolve the conflict of finally doing work that I LOVED with that fact that the company I worked for wasn’t really serious about implementing anything I was pouring my heart and soul into.  A few short months later, I would make the decision to leave in 18-24 months.

But February 11 does hold great significance for me.  In 1999, it was the day I would see Paul for the 1st and (so far) only time since graduation.  The emotional impact of that meeting sent me into a tailspin and would bring me face-to-face with Spirit.

Later that day, God/dess would speak so clearly, it would change the course of my life.  I saw a version of myself I never knew:  confident, trusting, open and accepting. She was beautiful.  And I knew I had to get to know her.

As they say..be careful what you ask for.

That version of me has gone thru quite a process to emerge.  In a sense, the old me died on February 11, 1999.  Everything I thought I was, my entire belief system was gone.  POOF.  The moment I decided to step into a grander version of myself, death was instaneous.

As I marked 10 years since that day, I can say that every stage of the journey has been a gift.  Not easy..but truly a gift.  As I choose more and more moments to walk in step with Spirit, I can embrace the path I have traveled.  I know each choice was perfect. Not only my own choices, but also the choices of each and every person who shared some part of that journey with me.  I am able to release judgment and regret and feel gratitude and peace for my life and every part of it.

I believe that wherever Thomas Leonard is, he knows peace as well.  His life and his work made it possible for me to have the tools to live my life with peace and help others do the same.  What a legacy to leave.

Thank you, Thomas.

Friday I got fired.

After a year and a half of doing work I absolutely hated (with a client I adored), I made a mistake and it cost me 90% of my income.

Her decision did not come as a shock.  In fact, not 2 hours before it happened, I told my mastermind group that it would.  And the night before, when the incident happened, I said, “I’m done.”

Of course, that didn’t make it any easier to hear.  Yet I know, the pain I have been processing is my ego acting out in fear.  “What now?”

The truth is…it’s the best thing that could I happened.

Today, for the first time in a very long time, I felt compelled to blog. I mean, I just had to share. Writing gives me a peace that is hard to describe.  Yet I had stopped doing it because I was too busy.

Today, I woke up with a sense of possibility. Not dread.  Not overwhelm.  P-O-S-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

Today, I gave thanks (genuine, feel-it-in-my-bones, thanks) for my life and everything in it.

In other words, I realized that I am happy the shit is over.

The work I was doing was not inspiring.  I did not jump out of bed every day with anticipation to do it.  It was over my head, way beyond my capabilities and just plain, frustrating.

I never pretended to excel at administrative work.  Yet, when people actually started paying for it, I just went with it.  I was honest…I told them my background.  Invariably, I would always make a mistake or miss a deadline and yet they would stay and keep paying.

So, I just kept trying harder.  Taking more classes.  If I knew more, I’d get better, right?

Sound familiar?

I, like many people who still work in Corporate America, was pouring time, energy and money into my WEAKNESSES,  instead of my STRENGTHS.

I am a COACH.  And a damn good one.

I can help you move from where you are, to where you want to be in POWERFUL ways.

I see YOUR greatness even when you can’t.  I am your biggest fan, until you become your own.

THAT’S what I am good at.  THAT’S who I “be”–without effort or struggle.  It’s my natural state.  And Friday, I was given the gift of time and space to reconnect with that gift and decide how I want to be of service in the world.

Getting fired was…The BEST THING EVER.

Big dreams.  Impossible odds.  Unwavering belief in your own purpose.

For several weeks since November,  I found myself wondering if the election of Barack Obama was just a dream that I would soon wake up from.

It wasn’t until he got out of the limo on the way to the White House today, that it actually sunk in.  In that moment,  I was no longer thinking about him as the 1st black man to be elected president.  I was watching a man who dared to dream - BIG.  Who saw himself equipped for a purpose bigger than he is and who believed in himself when very few did.

He kept his eyes on the prize.  The prize of fulfulling his destiny.

While many will continue to celebrate the historical elements of this election, I invite you to think beyond the color of his skin and our nation’s past and see the real story.

A man who believed in the best of himself and a nation.  A man who said YES to his soul’s purpose.

Will you say YES to yours?

Today is a day for each of us to step fully into our destiny.  Your soul has a song to sing that is uniquely yours.

Are you willing to dance to it’s tune?

What would be possible for you if you did?

What’s possible for you if you dared to dream BIG..NOW?

What’s possible for you if you decided to move past your fears..NOW?

What’s possible for you if you believed that you really could be, do or have the desires of your soul?

Change can happen in a instant.

You can decide right now to commit to your life’s purpose.   No matter what.

Dream your biggest dream.  And take the first step.

Yes YOU can!

I can’t believe that it’s been some 14 days since the election and I have yet to write about it.

Truth is, I’m not sure if I have the words.  But Alice Walker, the award winning author of The Color Purple, voiced many of the thoughts I’ve been having about the Obamas since the election.

Many thanks to my dear mentor and friend, coach and author Mary McHenry, for taking some time out of her busy schedule to share this with me.

Open Letter to Barack Obama from Alice Walker
Nov. 5, 2008

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done.

We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate.

One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people’s enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, “hate the sin, but love the sinner.” There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people’s spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to “work with the enemy” internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

Let us remember to keep our focus on the best in each other.

With love,

Lisa

I had a breakthrough of sorts today as I begin to move forward in restructuring my business.  As is usually the case, Paul, my greatest teacher, showed up in my thoughts to facilitate my learning.

I was frustrated by this “reappearance” but I know that resisting it only creates more drama.  So, I got curious and reached out to a friend for support.

Her question:  What do you still need from him?

Nothing.

I suddenly felt freer than I ever have.  And then I realized that “need” is what has kept me tied to him so long.   I needed him to be different than he was.  To show up for me in a way that served me.

And as long as I needed him to change, to be different that he WAS, the drama would remain.  (And it did for over 20 years!)

Hmm…

I then began to examine my other relationships.

I’ve never needed my husband.   I love being around him.  I feel better when he’s around.  His presence enhances my life-always has.  But I don’t need him to be anything other than who he is.  Perhaps that’s why we’ve been so happy for 21 years.

As I looked around at my closest friendships, I could see the same pattern.  I am surrounded by people who enhance my life.  I need nothing from them and feel blessed by their presence. I like who they are and wouldn’t change a thing about them.

Every relationship I’ve had that “failed” was just the opposite.  I was looking for something from those people.  When they gave it to me, life was great.  When they withdrew what I needed, things got dicey.  I became angry/defensive/manipulative/obsessed/depressed.    I had lost sight of the fact that I am complete–just as I am–and I need nothing from another being to make me feel whole. When I put those demands on someone, the relationship is doomed.

It’s true that we all want to feel needed by someone else.  We may feel our existence validated when someone needs us.  But to be the person who is needed is a LOT of pressure.  What if I disappoint?  What if I can’t deliver what you need from me whenever you need it? (Talk about performance anxiety!)

It’s easy to see why people become resentful in a relationship.  The demands of the other may simply become to great a burden to bear.   Breakdown, in one way or the other, is inevitable.

You need nothing and no one outside of you to complete you.  You are whole–as you are–NOW.

I invite you to take a look at the things and people in your life that fulfill a “need” you have.  If that person, job, etc. were to disappear, what would you be left with?  Would you feel a void?  Why?

If something in your life is filling a perceived need, ask how you can fill the need yourself?  For example, if your home provides a feeling of security, how you could you give yourself the feeling of security?

I’ve learned the hard way, NOTHING is permanent.  Everything in your life can be gone in an instant.  But I know now that my sense of worth, value and security come from within. If I need to be heard, I listen to myself.  If I need love, I ask, “how can I show love to myself today?”

As a business owner, I see that this is a great way to show up in the world.  I don’t NEED a client to provide anything to me.   I know how to give to myself.  I know that I am complete as I am and I know that my client is complete and whole as they are.  Without the need to change or fix them, I can serve from a place of love. Our relationship can be life-enhancing, not draining.  Now that’s client attractive.

What would your life be like if you were “needy no more”?

Love and hugs,

Lisa

Many of  you know of my previous work as an internal diversity consultant in a conservative Fortune 50 company.   Few concepts moved me as deeply during my training as the concept of “white privilege”.   Having grown up in a predominately white environment in NW Ohio, I was all too aware as a child of how it plays out, but  I never was able to put it into words.

Tim Wise, a self-described “angry white male”,  was recently introduced to me by a dear friend.  Over the next few posts, I will be sharing some of his views.

It’s time for us all to THINK.  Not react, not be led, but to THINK for ourselves.  Inside, we know the truth.  Own it.  Face it.  Then be the change you wish to see.

====================================================================

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
by Tim Wise, www.TimWise.org

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll “kick their fuckin’ ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it, a “light” burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.