Yes, I know.  Worser is not a word.

An evangelist I watch on Tuesday nights, used the word over and over in his sermon.  My daughter and I watch the show to see what flamboyant outfits he and his wife will be wearing.

They rarely disappoint.

This morning while I was thinking about something that my blogger pal,  Tex in the City, had written, Willie C’s question came to me.

What’s worser, Lisa?

When we live our lives worried about what others think, our fear is usually that we won’t be liked or accepted.

The aha moment:  If you are worried about *them* liking you, it most likely means that YOU  don’t like you.

Well, damn.

I guess tuning into “the prophet of God” did have some payoff.

Seriously, at the end of the journey, wouldn’t it be great to say “I lived a life I loved and I LOVED ME!” ?

I can’t imagine anything *worser* than checking out with self-hatred still on my lips.

It’s time to give up the bullshit, people.  I am not saying this is an easy process.  Fundamentally, we all want to “fit in”.  It’s how the tribe survived back in caveman days.

But we aren’t there anymore.  There are plenty (and I do mean, plenty) of people who will love you when you are true to yourself.  I have been convinced for years that the best gift you can give to anyone is the gift of YOU.

The real you.

ALL of you.

Good, bad, fat, ugly, skinny, broke, divorced, hormonal, angry, or whatever label you used to hid behind.

Accept that you are ALL of those things and so much more.

And start behaving like you are so much more.

‘Cause you are.

And you know it.

And *they* do too.

Besides( to quote Marianne Williamson), “Your playing small does not serve the world.”

And you deserve so much more.  You are indeed worthy of your own love.

So, what’s worser?

Knowing that you could unlock the door anytime yet still choose prison.

I invite you to make today, this moment, the moment you decide to become your biggest fan.  Today becomes the day you stop worrying about what *they* think and commit to honoring what you think and feel.

You can decide to continue to live in the prison of your limiting beliefs or commit to the freedom of loving who you are.

You have the key.

Lovin’ you,

Lisa

I’ve spent several hours today trying to build a new blog for a friend in Lebanon.  He has been like a guardian angel to me these past few years and often was a bright light during the darkest times.  We became online friends during the Israeli invasion a few years back, and although just traveling to and from work put his life in jeopardy, he never once uttered a complaint or gave into fear.

I should be so mature.

While the project has been a labor of love, the frustration I feel has left me with a migraine.  Why is it that we never give ourselves grace for being new at something?  Why do we belittle ourselves for not being perfect at something we’ve never even attempted?

Think about it.  If babies were the same way, none of us would have ever learned to walk.  After the first few tumbles, we’d sit on asses berating ourselves for being too stupid to learn.

Hmmm….

No, as babies, we get up and keep at it.  As adults, we silently wonder why we are not as good as “so and so” (who by the way gets paid to do what you are just learning) while chipping away at our already fragile self-image.

No wonder we play small.  Who wants to live with that?

Play small. Stay safe.

You suck at it anyway, so why bother.

They’ll all laugh at you.

Guess I need to put down the club and go tend to my self-inflicted wounds.

Lesson:  Cut yourself some slack.

Maybe tomorrow.

Yep, self-hatred is a real bitch.

I don’t.

Why?

Because the most important thing that happened today is that my hubby decided to take a vacation day and spend Sunday evening (for the first time in a very long time) home with us.

No matter the outcome of the game, I win.

I’m in a really pissy mood today.  I’ve tried all day to shake it off because I was so angry I wanted to spit.  Finally, I just went back to bed.

Even that didn’t help.

For the past several hours, I’ve been listening to music.  A little Indie Arie always cheers me up.

It did.  Sort of.

Truth is,  I’m still pissed.

Why are people so mean?

Why do people do nice things for you and keep score?

Why do some people never take real risks? (I mean the kind where failure means no one is there to bail you out?)

Why do people judge others that do?

Why are some people  so damned content to play small?

After the music failed to lift me up sufficiently, I went trolling for an inspirational quote.  I came across the Liv’n Out Loud! Clothing company’s website and this diddy (along with Mariah Carey’s song “Hero” playing in the background as I write this) just did the trick.

This is why I took the risks that I did.

This is why it was worth losing almost everything.

This is why it is worth beginning again (and again and again, if I have to)

I made the decision to become my own hero.

Someone remind me of that the next time I get in a pissy mood about…well..anything.

Live a gutsy, self-aware life.
Ignite the spark in your soul and lay down the
tracks to the songs in your heart.
Define your reason for being;
go deep, soak up your essence,
then honor your authentic self.
Break the chains that bind you.
Free yourself from your self-imposed restrictions
and be courageous towards all that you dread.
Don’t let the fear of judgment quell your spirit.
Proudly flaunt your humanity,
with all its exquisite imperfections.
Experience the edge of life.
Make mistakes. Color outside the lines.
Go to the brim of what is familiar and jump off.
After all, a vibrant life is filled with stops,
starts and stumbles.
Participate in your dreams and have faith.
You are standing on the edge of bliss.
Do it. Do that next big thing.
Become your own hero. ©

© 2005 – 2010. Liv’n Out Loud! Clothing Company, Inc.

You gotta love it when you get a reminder that you’re unconscious.  In the last 24 hours, I got TWO.

After ranting about being in the moment, I found myself yesterday doing exactly what I wrote about in  “Using the Damn Brain God Gave You”.  No, I wasn’t on the cell phone and driving, but I was just as distracted.

I was on the phone with a friend that I hadn’t spoken to in several months.  We were looking at a website and trying to come up with a solution to a problem I was having with a client.  After we finished perusing, I *should* have turned my attention to our conversation.  But nooooooooooooooo.  I went back to my email.  And *ding* there was a comment on my blog.

Did I wait to read it?

Silly.  Of course not.

While I was still talking to my friend, I’m reading the comment.

Guess who wasn’t in the moment??

BUSTED.

Today, I was talking to my buddy, Coach Iyabo, when I start going on and on about this mastermind group I’m in.  Just like the brilliant coach she is, she asks, “Do you want to be in this group?”

(crickets)

Dang.

Guess who wasn’t “ownin’ her shit?”

BUSTED.

But the beauty of not always being who you say you want to be is that you get to choose again.

Gone is the need to pick up the proverbial club and beat myself.

And that my friends is GROWTH.

As long as we are breathing, we have the chance to choose to be all that we are.

Beautifully human and Perfectly Divine….

All at the same time.

Cool, isn’t it?

You bet’cha.

Rock on!

Lisa